YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: I'm The Perpetually Single Friend

I know that I am not in a good state of mind to be looking for a relationship and that I should love myself as I am, but I can’t seem to be happy with myself as a single person.

Dec 30, 2013 at 6:30pm | Leave a comment

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I’m 22 years old and I just started graduate school, and recently moved to a young, hip area of an east coast city. I’m part of a tight-knit class of 25 girls, and we spend all-day every day together at school. Out of all 25 girls, I am the only single person. The majority of them are between 22-25 years old and have been in serious relationships since high school or college, and all have declared at some point or another that their boyfriends are “the one" and the topic of engagement is often discussed. Although these girls are my closest friends, I feel sad, pathetic, lonely, defective, and incredibly left out around them. I feel like there is some glaringly obvious reason why I haven’t found love, and I’m the only one who is oblivious to this reason.
After I graduated college this past May, I began to seriously pursue a relationship. I felt like I was doing everything right. I went out often and talked to guys I found attractive, I didn’t sleep with any guys before I knew they had feelings for me, I flirted, I showed I was interested without seeming too desperate, and I played hard to get when necessary. I started talking to at least six different guys at various points this semester. All were cute, single, lived in my area, and showed serious interest in me when we first met. I talked to each guy for a significant period of time, with promising, flirty exchanges and mentions of hanging out one-on-one. However, inevitably, one-by-one, they stopped responding to texts, stopped initiating conversations, stopped asking to hang out. I didn’t go on any real dates with them, I only went out with them in large groups. After this semester of failure, my self-esteem has plummeted. I feel constantly down, left out, and depressed. I find myself crying often and unable to be happy for those around me who are in happy relationships. I cannot figure out why this isn’t happening for me. Other girls make it seem so easy. I have a lot going for me- I’m young, attractive, fit, relatively outgoing, and am pursuing a master's degree. I know that I am not in a good state of mind to be looking for a relationship and that I should love myself as I am, but I can’t seem to be happy with myself as a single person.
I welcome any advice to help me get through this rough patch I am going through- thank you.
 
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