You Are The Advice Columnist: How Do I move On When I'm Sleeping With My Ex?

Do I really need to cut off contact with him?
xoJane Advice Column
Publish date:
Social count:
Do I really need to cut off contact with him?


 I'm in a weird spot in my love life right now, and I need some advice.  For the past year and a half, I've been involved with a really, really wonderful man.  He's much older than I am and we met under unconventional circumstances, but it was the first time in my life when I met someone and "knew" immediately that they were something special.  Granted, I was only 21 at the time, but I had never felt anything close to that before in my life.  Our relationship, emotionally and physically, was very intense and kind of addictive.

The problem is, this guy has fallen on some incredibly hard personal times, which have entirely sapped his energy for our relationship.  To his credit, he's been entirely honest with me about what he can and can't give me, and that he doesn't know when he's going to be in the right headspace to make a long-term commitment or whether he's going to want to get married (he's already been married once).  I'm almost 24 now, and he's been really good about the idea that, if he's not going to be able to seriously commit to me for an indefinite period of time, I might have to start seeking relationships out elsewhere.  He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but ultimately he wants me to be happy and wants me to be able to find someone who can give me what he can't. 

So, for the first time in two years, I've put myself on the dating market again.  I have a date lined up with a smart, attractive, funny guy who's in a place in his life where a healthy relationship might be possible.  The only problem is - I have no idea how to navigate new dates and new relationships with regards to my old relationship.  My ex and I are still close friends, and we're still sexually involved, and that's a part of my life that I'm not quite ready to give up.  I want to meet new people, but the idea of giving up the old is too much for me to deal with.  How should I handle this? Do I need to cut off contact with my ex?  Do I need to tell any new guy I go on a date with that I'm still in contact with my ex? Help!

Any words of wisdom for our reader? Let her know in the comments.

Send all of your questions to!