First of all, I love my boyfriend (ex boyfriend? I don't even know). We get along well (with, of course, some bumps in the road from time to time), have awesome sex and I'm 100% comfortable with him, which is a big deal. He's the first guy I've ever dated that I would call my best friend. And I've always been really confident of his attraction to and desire for me...
And then, just yesterday, I found out that he has, within just the past week and over the span of a month or more, been communicating with people from Craigslist looking for sex. Yes, I was snooping. He actually did this once in the past, a few years ago, and it caused us to break up. The first time around, he assured me it was a weird moment of weakness and that he hadn't acted on it. It seemed like something he had done out of boredom or loneliness when he and I were going through a rough time and I just sort of let it go. If anything, it was sort of funny...he was the one who put an ad on there and the wording of it was...well, rather embarrassing for him.
But here we are again. Me snooping like a psycho and him cruising the gutter of the internet looking for sex with strange women and couples. From the correspondence I saw, he didn't act on it, but he did do quite a bit of talking with several folks. And...I'm shocked and so hurt and humiliated and confused. I've always said infidelity was a deal breaker for me, but does this count as cheating? I have this feeling, deep down, that he didn't actually intend to act on it. I know him pretty well (I think) and he's not even the type to go out to a bar and bring a girl home for random sex. The idea of him meeting a stranger for a hook up from the internet is not really something I can fathom, it would be very out of character. On top of that: I actually know he cares about me and loves me. I know it. He has apologized over and over again and he seems really upset that he's hurt me...
So...what do I do? How can I make sense of this? He's not a dirt bag or even a cheater, but I feel deeply wounded and my pride has been thoroughly shat upon. I mean, I thought he was satisfied sexually and I was sure enjoying myself...how am I supposed to feel after reading a message to some other dude that starts with, "Hey man your wife is sexy, can I tap that?" UGH. It's such a slimy, disrespectful, gross thing for such a normally loyal, sensitive, good dude to do.
I'm very conflicted. I feel like I should dump him...but I don't want to. Help...please?
What would you do in this situation? Dump him? Keep Him? Let her know in the comments!
Send all of your relationship woes to Advice@xoJane.com!