8 Essential Items To Keep in Your Terribly Sexy Adult Lady Nightstand

You can tell a lot about a woman from her drawer, which is why I've spent years crafting mine into its current, perfectly curated state.

Aug 24, 2011 at 2:06pm | Leave a comment

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The nightstand drawer is important --  the sum of your erotic personalty, like a cosmo quiz for vaginas. You can tell a lot about a woman from her drawer, which is why I've spent years crafting mine into its current, perfectly curated state.

It's not so important now that there are never new strangers peeking in there, but I still like it to look nice. (Same reason I continue to wax my pubes.)

Because I feel pretty proud of what's happening in there, I'd now like to pass on to you the 8 essential items every woman should have in her bedside drawer.

1. The vibrator you mostly use

For most women, this will be the Hitachi or The Rabbit. I'm a Hitachi girl, as you can see.  It's basically a power tool for your clitoris -- no art, all power. A real get-her-done vibe, which I like. I'm not trying to romance myself here. If you're on a budget, this might even be a slimline like the kind I got in junior high at freakin Spencers in an erotic gift pack with like, a pair of white fishnets.

 2. A pretty luxury vibe

Probably from JimmyJane -- they are just obviously the best when it comes to luxury toys. I have the Little Chroma Vanitas, which the sweetest, most delicate little vibe with a skull and butterfly etched on it. It cost $175, but like I always tell my vagina, "Only the best for you, baby."

3. A good-smelling lube

I don't normally use lube, as I am naturally quite juicy. I know some of you hate that word, but what would be better? Sopping? Soggy? Gushy? Let's just say that the gears rarely get rusty on my wel-oiled machine.

But you should really have lube around in case of anal, a marathon session or sex with a guy you're not that attracted to. And if you are going to use lube, it should really be something that smells nice but is actually made for your vagina. I say this because dudes will try to dump any ol' thing on there -- hand lotion, moisturizer, a bottle of Poland Spring (you know who you are).

Lately I'm into AloeCadabra in French Lavender. It's made of 95 percent organic aloe and smells like a candle in a fancy whorehouse.

4. Something raunchy/weird to keep them guessing.

Ball gag? $13. Nipple clamps? $16. A partner who knows how to use those things? Freaking priceless. Are restraints kinky? I keep this set of under-the-bed-restraints handy, too, in case I need to demobilize someone. (Just kidding, I like to be the one getting demobilized.)

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My boyfriend was veeeeeery suspicious when I asked him to take that picture. The Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System is made to work with any mattress, so you don't have to have a headboard to practice some light bondage.

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5. Condoms or whatever kind of birth control and/or STD protection you use.

DUH. I mean, at least pretend like you're going to use them. But actually use them if you can.

6. Something for your G-spot

I recommend the Njoy pure wand! You may have noticed that this toy is not in my nightstand -- that's because I can't find it! I don't know how you misplace a sex toy, and I shudder to think where it may have ended up. Especially this guy, which is a big, heavy steel two-headed dildo that does't really do anything but somehow just puts the perfect amount of pressure on your G-spot.

If you see my Njoy pure wand, will you send him home?

7. Something for your clitoris

I do have a silver bullet in my nightstand, which is a great cheap, basic toy and maybe secretly my favorite thing to masturbate with. It's just like a little metal egg that you press against your clitoris and has an attached remote to control pressure (although I'm a crank-it-up-to-11 every time kind of girl).

8. Batteries

This is an advanced tip! There is nothing worse than when your vibrator cock blocks you by running out of batteries! And look at the sweet way they come wrapped up from Babeland:

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I should mention that all the toys in this story were given to me by Babeland, which as you probably know is an awesome woman-owned sex shop in New York and Seattle. They have provided me with lots of toys to write about in all these years of masturbating on the clock, and keep sending me stuff even though it takes me foreeeeever sometimes to write about what they send. (In my defense, it's not like I can just carve out office time to try out a new vibrator.)

There are lots of other nice things to put in your nightstand, and I have probably tried a lot of them, so let me know if there's more stuff you want to know about.

And maybe you can help me out with this one: I would like to add a pornographic DVD to my stash, but I haven't found one that really works for me in a good long while  -- any suggestions?