I guess the lumbersexual thing has really taken off, because there’s a “social networking” (read: dating) site/app for people with beards and the people who love them called Bristlr. Yep, Bristlr. They’re really rolling with the beard theme.
This is the site’s mission statement (of sorts), which is fabulously to-the-point:
There are many people with beards who like to have them stroked.
And there are many people who don’t have beards, but would like to stroke them.
Bristlr is the link between the two.
It goes on to say that “Bristlr is the innovation in socio-facial interaction you didn’t realise you’ve been wanting.” Amen to that, Bristlr. If this had been around in late 2015, you wouldn’t have been able to pull me away. If OKCupid had had a “beard” filter I certainly would’ve been using it, but alas, I had to scroll through profile after profile of beardless baby-men.
No offense to the beardless, of course. I did have a few really solid dates with beardless dudes. On the other hand, I also recently saw a photo of a guy I dated back then who had a beard when we were dating and didn’t have a beard in the recent photo, and it was kind of shocking. Whenever my boyfriend shaves his beard I’m like “awwwwww, c’man” because I have to wait around a week for it to grow back.
Anyway, the lingo about “beard-stroking” is obviously dubious. The only real reaction I have to that is a wink-wink, nudge-nudge, “Yeah, I’ve got a beard too, and you’re more than welcome to stroke it with yours ifyaknowwhatImsayin’.” BA-DUM-PAH! Unless, of course, this is like Cuddlr and there’s a beard-stroking social subculture of which I’m just unaware.
Well, go forth, single beard-lovers and beard-havers! Or non-single beard-lovers and beard-havers who just happen to love stroking beards and having your beards strokes. I don’t know, I’m so out of the loop with the whole dating and affection thing. As always,technology is moving faster than me and I remain happy to not be single anymore (and taken by a man with a nice soft beard).