Something amazing just hit me: I am completely OK with being single. Usually people who say this out loud and get all adamant about it are just trying to cover something up. Nope, not me.
I have openly yearned to friends and family for that special someone to come up and understand me and love me. It’s not like that suddenly changed. I do want that out of life. Right now, though, I’m cool.
It’s a relief after a breakup that had me crying nonstop -- while getting a pedicure, working in the office, out to a movie with my family, in the park, on the street, etc., wherever, it literally went on for months -- that not only did the tears cease, my self-esteem has been restored and I feel whole again.
How did this happen?
Here are the steps:
1. Breakup Manifesto.
2. After some time, date. Just date. Cultivate small, short-term flings with new, uncomplicated people that end quietly (i.e., don’t date or sleep with anyone in your social group -- no, DON’T -- and don’t get involved in anything Big, and you’ll be fine). Something long-distance and non-committal is also acceptable.
3. Delete the bitches in life. It doesn’t have to be some cruel, ceremonious thing -- just stop talking to or gently let down the people who chip away at you, repeatedly do not understand you and/or don’t have your best interests at heart. I can say this knowing that at times, I have been the bitch, and I have been deleted. If someone's crossed a line, you don't have to work on everything; you are allowed say, "You're not for me."
4. Do work on the most problematic relationship you have with one of your parents. Most likely this dynamic was indirectly the root cause of the breakup. Do it for you, not for the sake of the relationship with your mom or dad, and don’t expect it to change because it might not. Do whatever you need to do to be OK with this. Swearsies, your next romantic relationship and any friendships you make after this will be very different.
This last one is crucial. People say you shouldn’t run away from your problems. In the case of a breakup, yes, you definitely should. Time heals all, though physically up and changing your geographical location is the best sealant. You have to re-learn all kinds of stuff to get your life properly in order, and you really won't have time to be thinking about your wounded heart. Besides, you will feel super strong for everything that you are suddenly taking care of, and you will feel quite accomplished for doing it.
I gradually started feeling better about my ex after several months, but it wasn’t until I moved away that I actually felt good. I had the confidence to really be ME again, and I had the luxury of instating any amount of re-invention I wanted.
Plus, now that I am far, far away, I’m able to feel compassion and forgiveness, which is a relief. It did not feel good to have bitterness and disgust circulating in my system for so long. Nearly 3,000 miles is a fantastic sieve for negativity.
I’m sure this means there’s some babe right around the corner who’s totally perfect for me, and I’m going to sigh when I meet her and be like, “I’m so not in the mood for this.” But then life will smack me upside the head and be all, “Dude, she’s really nice and smart. Plus, do you not see her rack?”