I love fragrances and I love sex.
OMG, xoJane community! Get out of my bedroom, I am NUDE!
And SO DO YOU. I can say that with confidence because a couple of months ago, I wrote an innocent and refined article about men’s fragrances, and you guys just let your freak flags FLY in the comment section! My jaw dropped a little more with every sexy detail that you freely offered about all of the THANGS you get into with you significant other. Not even mad!
SOME HIGHLIGHTS, with usernames omitted for the sake of your privacy. Not that it makes a damn bit of difference at this point, after all, you’re the ones who wrote these!:
“I had a fella once who liked to go to work smelling me on his moustache. Killed me.”
“I like when I have the sex before work. Then I go to work and I'm all "I KNOW YOU SMELL ME! I'M EMITTING SEX ALL UP ON YOU, COWORKERS!! You're welcome."
“Sort of in that same line, I like to think 'nobody knows there's cum inside of me except for me. my secret, my secret!'”
What I am trying to say is that, knowing what I know, I have something up my sleeve that y’all are going to like.
S-ex (pronounced es-ex) by S-Perfumes. I’m sure you can see where this is going.
“HEY RED,” I screamed at my boyfriend as I kicked open our bedroom door one morning last fall as we were both getting ready for work. It was the first morning I tried S-ex and I was already falling hard. Throwing my arms wide open in our doorway, naked, I beckoned to him “Smell me.”
He’s used to this shit. After barely concealing an eye roll, he obliged, and I scuttled over to his side of the bed like a horny little crab. He bent down to take a whiff of my neck, and then after getting his first taste of the scent, he wrapped his arm around my lower back and pulled me even closer.
“I like that. I really like that,” he said.
(Benefit of dating me: I may be unstable, but I always smell good.)
“Thanks!” I reply. “It’s supposed to make you smell like you just had sex!”
Then his face contorted into a bit of a sneer.
“Why would you want to smell like you just had sex?”
THE ROMANCE IS GONE, PEOPLE.
I jest, of course. But in all seriousness, this fragrance cannot be overlooked, and it is quickly becoming one of my favorites. While some scents make up good interpretations of the way blood, saliva, and semen smell, like the one that the perfect Natalie wrote about,
this one is more focused on the act, or rather, the aftermath.
The sexual shrapnel. You all know what I’m talking about, the sweaty sheets, your ~*lover’s*~ cologne or perfume all over you, the smell of your own hair product in your face. S-ex achieves all of that.
The best way I can describe it is if you took your favorite “clean cotton” fragrance, then made it waaay sluttier. Think clean sheets and damp skin. It is a clean fragrance (though not altogether fresh, because neither are you after you bone) a bit musky and leathery, and very wet, without being metallicy.
Some of the main notes that make up S-ex are the always citrusy bergamot, OZONE (which I explain here
), leather, jasmine, strawberry, malt, and sandalwood. It’s a mouthful, isn’t it? Or rather, a nose-full. As wide a range as that might be, all those notes are expertly balanced in a way that is nearly hypnotizing. I almost hesitated to list those because I don’t think that description really communicates the actual fragrance all too well, I feel like there’s just something missing from the list, but, there you have it.
A couple more notable things about this hussy of a scent:
I get that the idea of smelling like you just got laid is cute and kitchy and all, but I was expecting that wearing S-ex would just be kind of a punch line of sorts. I couldn’t wait to wear it out on a Friday night and have someone tell me I smelled good (because they always do) and then be able to tell them all about the slutty fragrance. Well, the joke is on me because I really love the scent. Oops.
It’s not too in your face to wear all the time, every day. Whether you’re out with your main thang, your best girls, or just running errands by yourself in your Juicy Couture sweat suit like I frequently do, S-ex is great anytime of day or night (IF you get my drift).
If I didn’t love my spring fragrance so much, I’d seriously consider making this one my main scent for spring and summer. Except for the fact that I wouldn’t be able to resist explaining the scent to absolutely everyone who compliments it, which would be fine for everyone except, like, my grandmother.
Are you into it? I know you’re curious. What other fragrances smell like sex? What do you wear when you’re feeling sexy? Why am I even asking these questions, knowing full well that you’re all going to get your freak on in the comment section anyway? More power to you. What’s your favorite position? KIDDING.
Sext me @TynanBuck