My Underwear Game Is Tight, Son -- Where I Get my Frilly Lacy Slutty Things

There's a lot of baggage that goes along with buying lingerie, especially if you do not have a body comparable to a Victoria's Secret Angel.
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Emily
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There's a lot of baggage that goes along with buying lingerie, especially if you do not have a body comparable to a Victoria's Secret Angel.

These are a few of my favorite things

These are a few of my favorite things

If you are familiar with the Emily McCombs "Damn, there goes a lady" school of style and beauty, then you can probably guess that I come correct in my underwear game. I don't wear the fancy shit all the time, but trust me when I say that I am prepared for any USO (unexpected sexual opportunity) that may come my way.

It took me a while to find my lingerie wheelhouse. There's a lot of baggage that goes along with buying lingerie, especially if you do not have a body comparable to a Victoria's Secret Angel. I can stuff my shit into a tiny thong until the cows come home, but the same stuff that looks good on them is just never going to look good on me. Mama needs a brief, preferably a boy short, because nobody likes a bifurcated FUPA.

And I will not settle for a satin chemise! That's crap we buy when we want to be "sexy" but not actually show any part of our bodies. It's compromise lingerie. They're fine to sleep in (and a friction boner can totally lead to sex), just boring for any kind of big sexytime reveal. Nobody ever beat it to a satin chemise.

So I've settled into my own lingerie style, consisting of smutty/whimsical bra and panty sets, garter belts (always -- more on this later) and the occasional corset. And I don't spend a lot of money on lingerie, either, because I just can't justify spending bank on something I'll be wearing for a few minutes, tops, if things go according to plan.

Yes, Agent Provocateur makes stunningly beautiful underthings, but I cannot often afford them. If you've got a Sugar Daddy, make him buy you AP. If not, dude, Fredericks. HEAR ME OUT. You probably think of Frederick's of Hollywood as sort of cheesy and trashy. Well, that's exactly what lingerie SHOULD BE.

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Some of my latest things from Fredericks: Tasseled Boy Short $16,  Luxe Lace Underwire Bra $26, Hollywood Dream Full Figure Halter Corset $62, Floating Threads Half-Slip $16.99, Cage Back Open Panel Panty $11.99, Ruffled Boy Short $18

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Usually sections or product lines that are labeled things like "very sexy" or "ultra sexy" are where the really smutty stuff is hiding. Also the FOH is cheap as hell and runs online sales constantly (just checked and you can get 50% off the entire site today). Fredericks of Hollywood, baby! It's the one thing I'm as excited about as Anna Nicole was about Trimspa.

Here I am in the Sheerly Stunning Bralette, which people often mistake for Agent Provocateur.

Here I am in the Sheerly Stunning Bralette, which people often mistake for Agent Provocateur.

Victoria's Secret

Ruched Back Hiphugger Panty in Black Sequin $12.50, Jingle Bell Bikini Panty $22, no longer for sale, Feather&Bow Bikini Panties $22

Ruched Back Hiphugger Panty in Black Sequin $12.50, Jingle Bell Bikini Panty $22, no longer for sale, Feather&Bow Bikini Panties $22

I also like buy things from Victoria's Secret on occasion, mostly because they're everywhere and easy to duck into if you think you might be getting laid, like, TONIGHT. A lot of it is boring, but they occasionally have awesome panties, especially around the holidays. I just scooped up these Feather Bow panties and these Jingle Bell ones for $22 each. I have literally no idea what I will ever do with them, since you can't exactly wear them under clothes and no man alive is interested in a jingling feather butt, but it's for me, man. It's for me.

Blush Lingerie

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Blush Free Love Tap Pant $39, not for sale, Blush Lace Ruched Retro Brief $28

On the pricier end, I first discovered Blush through a Gilt sale, but now that I know how high quality and well fitting their stuff is, I will be purchasing more. For instance: They are one of the only companies that makes a thong (The Blush Thong, $28) with full frontal coverage. This is something so many women need in their lives.

 They do a ton of high-waisted but sexy retro briefs, which is kind of my erotic bread and butter. The red frilly heart set up top is also Blush. Check out the charmingly named "Panty Salad" to peruse a ton of Blush panties. I totally just bought like 3 more pairs.

Blush Spellbound Retro Brief, just purchased for $27

Blush Spellbound Retro Brief, just purchased for $27

Vintage Shapewear and Garter Belts

I feel like this is almost cheating, but here goes: Girdles used to be pretty damn sexy. This is a Ragu High-Waisted Zipper Girdle, the same basic pattern they've been producing since the 50s.

Photo from Dollhouse Bettie, where you can purchase this girdle for $60.50

Photo from Dollhouse Bettie, where you can purchase this girdle for $60.50

Here is the lace version.

Photo from Dollhouse Bettie, where you can purchase this girdle for $65.

Photo from Dollhouse Bettie, where you can purchase this girdle for $65.

I always check out the lingerie sections in vintage stores for old shapewear, and Ebay, which is where I got the leopard girdle with garter belt seen below. Yes, MY SHAPEWEAR IS HAUNTED by the ghost of sexy pinup girls past.

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Which, finally, a word on garter belts: Buy one. It doesn't matter if it's attached to a girdle or a pair of panties or all on its own: This is the nuclear bomb in your lingerie arsenal. It's the underwear equivalent of sticking your finger up a dude's butt or calling him Daddy. It's just gonna work.

Here's a great girdle one from Rago for $37.50:

Photo from Dollhouse Bettie where you can purchase this garter belt for $37.50

Photo from Dollhouse Bettie where you can purchase this garter belt for $37.50

And a skimpier one from Fredericks for $12.50.

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I buy my stockings for cheap from Fredericks or a Halloween store. Speaking of which, right now is a great time of year to scoop up cheap slutwear from your local Halloween store: stockings, bodysuits, schoolgirl and cheerleader costumes, all deeply discounted. (This has been PRO SLUT TIPS with Emily.)

See more of Emily's underwear (seriously) on Twitter @msemilymccombs.