Let's start with the dude's email. (And yes, I asked his permission before publishing this.)
The subject line was ridiculous -- and priceless. It read:
"Looking for connection/to fuck (awk?)"
Then the email itself: "Hi Mandy. I'm sitting here in my friend's apt in upper manhattan and i've cried twice now this morning. I was looking up Radical Honesty meetups in New York and your article popped up with your picture as well. I read your interview of Brad Blanton at his computer while he was playing golf a couple of weeks ago. I appreciate you for writing such an extensive article on/with him. I didn't know you were a woman (i didn't see any pictures of the author while i reading the article at Brad's) until i saw your picture pop up on my google search today.
"Upon investigating who this hottie was, i found out that she's/you are a remarkable reporter. Reading your hit pieces article was the second time that i cried. I was so, so, so humbled as i read through your fan's message to you. I appreciate you for publishing this piece.--End Pt 1.
"The other part of my life is based around One Taste/Nicole Daedone/Orgasmic Meditation and the program's surrounding it. I've stroked 4 different women's clits for a total of an hour. Yet I haven't fucked in close to two weeks, and even then, it wasn't as sweat and blood pumping as i like it.
"Now i'm surrounded by pussy and not feeling matched by anyone currently. It's charging me emotionally I want to fuck. I'd like to meet you and see if we're attracted to each other.
"If we're not, it'd be nice to sit and listen and share honestly with another human being. (I stopped writing this and masturbated to a video off youjizz) I no longer feel overwhelmed with sex. That's relieving. I'll be going to this orgasmic meditation meetup tonight. Perhaps you'd like to come? If not, I'd like to suggest some hippy tea shop. Yours truly."
Well -- I do know all about orgasmic meditation.
I'm fascinated by it, actually. And yes, I consider Brad Blanton a friend who changed my life even though I've never met him IRL, although A.J. Jacobs did warn me that if I did, he'd probably want to hook up, as that is kind of his thing. I suppose radical honesty does that to a Gestalt psychologist.
I actually once asked the guy who took me to a sex club to take the orgasmic meditation course with me, which was being held at the time in Long Island, natch (because that seemed, I suppose, like the most oneupsmanship move I could make post-sex-club). It never happened. I got sober instead.
But I've always been curious if it works and what it's like and if it's as culty as the New York Times article makes it seem to be. I'm just fascinated by female orgasm and the various ways it is achieved in general. I guess the main factor in deciding whether I'd let a man try OM-ing (that's the shorthand) with me is whether or not he makes me feel safe, which I could only discover by meeting a guy IRL.
While I suppose other women might feel offended by the presumption of emailing someone with sex explicitly on the table, let's not forget at one point, I was entertaining the idea of finding the right FWB. So, no, I'm not annoyed -- and his phrasing of it was so over-the-top, it genuinely made me laugh. Also, I'd much rather have someone be frank about their interest rather than giving me some other bullshit reason for wanting to meet.
Additional bonuses: His profile indicates he's extremely smart and extremely hot.
But in general, I'm usually pretty anti-young-dudes. I really don't like feeling like I'm someone's mom-slash-life-coach which is usually what that vibe devolves into. I also find that older guys are just more formed as human beings.
Honestly, there's really only a very small likelihood I would hook up with him. So much is in chemistry, and guys who are significantly younger than me often just feel like kids to me -- no matter how hot they are.
Now I do realize that the average person would think that this guy's email to me was a little batshit. But to me it smacked positively of several of the tells that I look for in emails or correspondence.
Want to know what they are? Okay! Here we go. I liked all these things:
- He was straight up. And he did it in a funny way.
- He was genuine in why he was reaching out to me and complimentary and affecting and came across as sincere. I like all these things.
- He knew to do the "vetting" thing. Vetting is where you mention a person or an experience that you have in common. Sometimes it's a place where you have worked together and sometimes it's a person you know. In this way, he is somewhat pre-vetted as I know he is a friend of Brad Blanton's, and I too am a friend of Brad Blanton's.
- He was sexual but not gross to me. It's rare that a guy achieves this in my opinion. I mean, I've done the same damn thing he refers to in this email. Where you are incredibly horny but then you just find some kind of release (sometimes through porn) and it's less overwhelming. This guy also seems to be (I would assume) tailoring his email to me in that, you can tell from reading my work that I'm comfortable with frankly discussing sex. Who knows, I suppose he could have sent this same goddamned email to like 20 female writers in New York, but that would surprise me.
- He knows how to write and seems to have a brain. A lot of times people will write me rambling associative emails thinking that this is my thing. While I can definitely be rambling and associative myself, I think that when my writing is actually working, I manage to get to the points that I want to make across with a degree of clarity.
- The descriptions he uses (and that subject line) indicate a similar sensibility and sense of humor. "Hippy tea shop." "Awk."
Yes, I really do read this much into things. Sometimes it serves me poorly. Most of the times it leads to intuitive choices and decisions that results in a path filled with adventure, joy, discovery, heartbreak, elation, insight, possibility and discovery. I like all these things. I like intelligent risk.
What are your thoughts on this dude? I know they will be smart.
Find Mandy long-form at http://tinyurl.com/stadtmiller.