Hi! I'm Emily, and I work here now. Before this, I worked at a men's website for male people. And I did a sex and relationships advice video series called "A Woman's Perspective," which means I plastered my face all over that website for the male people to see.
Some of them felt that this face was goblin-like. I know this because they said things like. "Wow, she should be in a movie cast as a goblin," and "She looks like the witch from 'Left for Dead 2'" (pictured above) and "They should really get a hot chick to do this video series." I once stumbled upon an MMA fan forum in which it was dissected in specific, excruciating detail what exact steps I would need to take to be fuckable. (Three months at the gym and Crest whitestrips, and sadly, I did them both.)
Now I'll probably be plastering my face all over this site, too, because Jane has outlawed stock photography. I already showed you my boobs! And I don't mind if you guys think I'm ugly, but I'm pretty psyched that you probably don't expect my thoughts, advice and expertise on the topics of sex and love (and sexy love!) to give you a big fat boner.
Cause come on, I'm talking about stuff on the Internet, not posing for Playboy! (But Hustler, seriously, call me.)
Don't get me wrong -- I love hanging out with menfolk! I like bacon bras and chicks playing video games in thongs and being objectified a little bit. But I am excited to go just a little bit deeper into the world of sex and relationships, to share some stuff that I've learned (the hard way, always the hard way) and to get some feedback that's not all about my hip-to-waist ratio.
Oh, and I'm a chronic oversharer. I've always been offended by phrases like “TMI,” because for me there is literally no such thing as too much information. I crave all the private, seamy details of those around me, and I would pretty much look at anyone naked given the chance.
So I guess I'm just trying to say I'm glad to be here with the ladies. You are all so pretty and nice-smelling! Drop me a line or ask me a question at email@example.com, and prepare to hear about everything from my daddy issues to the time I got a condom stuck up inside me. I'm sorry in advance for talking about my vagina so damn much. (Hi mom!)