Here's your place to come talk about sex and love whenever you feel like it.
A few years ago, when it was just me and my boyfriend (now husband) living in our lovely new flat, I went through a spate of waking up in the night having an orgasm. Lucky me, hey?
I wasn’t touching myself. My fella certainly wasn’t touching me, cause he was out cold. I felt no presence, nothing strange, just an absolutely fantastic orgasm after a super sexy dream. Awake, I’ve never had a non-clitorial O, but there I was, not even conscious, climaxing.
I’d never discussed this with any of my friends, as it didn’t crop up in conversation until a friend of mine at work rocked up the other day to tell me about her incredibly hot dream that woke her up with an orgasm. The day after, I went for dinner with another girlfriend of mine who’s really spiritual and into chakras, energy and mysticism.
She’s a true hippy at heart and she revealed how she had started seeing a spiritual healer to cleanse her of bad energy as she kept waking up having orgasms.
“Oh me too!” I said.
Then she dropped the clanger and said she was told by a healer that an entity was sucking out her good energy through cracks in her aura, which came in the form of her orgasm. “I could feel a presence on top of me, and INSIDE me. It was probably an entity doing it to you, too!”
Stop. Right. There. The word "entity" fills me with utter horror and dread. Let me explain.
When I was 12, a friend and I watched the ‘80s horror movie, supposedly based on a true story, called "The Entity" starring Barbara Hershey. It was truly one of the most terrifying films I’ve ever seen and has stuck with me ever since. It’s about an evil, invisible presence which beat and raped this woman repeatedly and basically drove her insane.
As a result, I find any films centred on the devil/paranormal utterly petrifying. They're not a clear cut case of mythical nasty, like say a stoopido zombie or werewolf film. Entities could actually exist.
In fact, check out the trailer for the film that's scarred me for life. You're welcome:
Understandably, I was totally flipping out when my girlfriend was telling me the ins and outs of her regularly occurring sleeping orgasms.
It only got worse though, when she went on to reveal that she went to see a cranial osteopath, and without any prompting whatsoever, the osteo told her “By the way, my spirit guides are telling me your new crystal is letting in the entities.”
Herein lies my utter fear of having another sleepy orgasm: Sexy dreams, be gone!
OK, not really. I’ve never felt anything otherworldly. I’m not open minded enough to believe it could be true. I mean, how many women orgasm in their sleep? Is it that common? We can’t all be getting hooked up with horny ghosts, right?
NB: My friend who was having these episodes has since learnt how to strengthen her aura and the episodes have almost stopped completely.
Dani is tweeting about horny ghosts, amongst other things,@danigraph.