A couple of years ago, I was in my late 20s, engaged to be married to my long-term boyfriend, busy deciding whether to have steak or fish at the wedding, and trying to lose a few pounds to fit into the dress I'd had custom made off Etsy.
Then, with the wedding four months away and counting, I started freaking out. I had my first full-blown panic attack. I drank too much, blacked out, locked myself in the bathroom crying for hours and couldn’t remember afterward why I was upset. I missed appointments with the wedding photographer and caterer.
All the while, I was spending every minute of my free time kicking it with my new-found best friend, a whip-smart, tell-it-like-it-is girl with a magnetic personality and a love for life that made me feel more exciting by just being around her. We had met on the dance floor, and it was weird how hard we clicked as friends. We made weird food and went on adventures and took drugs together and it felt good. Really good.
Pretty soon, it felt like I was more or less living over at her place. I had always had tons of gay friends, so it didn’t seem weird to me at all that I would spend entire weekends and most weeknights hanging out with my lesbian bestie.
Until, that is, she popped into my mind while I was masturbating.
It happened again, and again. It freaked me out, but I shoved it away into some dark corner of my mind and just didn’t think about it; I had a huge to-do list of wedding-related stuff sitting on my desk at work. But after a long night at the bar, my best friend and I walked home arm in arm and I laid on the couch next to her and told her that I had been having “sexy thoughts” about her. I was too wasted to remember exactly what I said, but it broke the dam and a whole lot of sexual tension came pouring out.
The next day, she rubbed my arm and it felt electric. I had never been with a girl or even really considered it, but I wanted to be with this one so badly I couldn’t stand it. We finally made out and it turned me on in a way that made me feel out of control.
Three days later I broke up with my fiancé, canceled the wedding, and pretty much hooked up the U-haul and moved in to my friend's -- now girlfriend’s -- house. I was excited for my new sexy lesbian life, until I realized I had no idea how to make my sexy and wonderful new girlfriend cum.
I guess I had thought the steamy make out sessions would seamlessly transition into mind-blowing sex. But now it was like I was 13 again. I wasn’t someone who was good at sex; I was actually really, really bad. To make things worse, when she went down on me for the first time it was totally amazing and I realized that nobody had ever actually made me cum before and I cried. But I couldn’t do anything for her. So, I started researching -- I watched weird YouTube videos about cunnilingus, read online tutorials, and still felt like I didn’t know what the hell to do when I was actually all up in my girlfriend’s vagina.
“I guess I’m just not actually meant to be with girls at all,” I thought to myself in the middle of the night. I cried during sex all the time, sweaty and frustrated. I was defensive, scared, and definitely not sexy. We got the Magic Wand out a lot during those first six months.
But somewhere in these last two-and-a-half years, after tons and tons of talking and trying and trying again, I’ve managed to swallow my ego, learned how to listen to feedback without freaking out and tune in to all the subtle cues that mean do that or go harder or make it softer. I usually don’t have to ask very many questions any more, and, today, I think I can give oral sex with the best of them. It’s one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done to make my girlfriend cum, but it is a skill, not a gift.
Now I read these "bi girl wanting to have my first lesbian experience" ads on Craigslist and laugh -- it is HARD learning how to have sex with a woman. You don't just get in bed with some girl you don't know and know how to give her a bomb orgasm. You’ve gotta be tenacious, creative, super tuned-in, and really really care about someone else getting off. But giving your girlfriend who you love an orgasm, and knowing that you can do it again in a minute? Well, that’s more than worth it.