I don’t really consider myself an exhibitionist. When people make out in public near me or if someone tries to kiss me around other people, I feel Angela Chase-awkward. I don’t really like any PDA, except for handholding and the occasional butt tap.
However, when presented the opportunity to have sex in a public place, all bets are off. I’ve only done it a handful of times, but it’s always been pretty epic. The first time, I was a few days post-surgery (I had a bandage on my face), I put on a cute skirt, snuck out of my family’s apartment (I was living with them in New York City at the time) and had my boyfriend pick me up.
We drove to Sutton Place, which is a small exclusive neighborhood in Manhattan, where many diplomats live and there is private security everywhere. We parked on a dead-end and got it on. In all fairness, the physical act of sex was very easy because he drove a Cadillac Escalade, which is larger than some apartments in New York. He sat down in the back seat, I hiked up my skirt and sat on his lap. Six years later, we are friends and we still reminisce about how hot it was.
So how did I end up having dressing-room sex? A few weeks ago, a gentleman friend of mine, Ted (not his real name), and I did it at Nordstrom Rack at the Beverly Connection in Los Angeles. It was completely spontaneous. We were already in the dressing room when I realized this was the perfect time and place for naughtiness. We were there to shop because he was having a fashion emergency. Ted is a grad student and anything beyond a white Hanes t-shirt and board shorts is getting really dressed up for him. We had to go to an event that night and he had nothing appropriate to wear.
I went into the dressing room with Ted so he wouldn’t have to come out and model for me. I’ve been shopping with him many times, and he trusts my style judgment. So, as if we weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary, because we weren’t, I just walked right in to the dressing room with him. The dressing room attendant didn’t act funny or give us a dirty look. Honestly, I don’t even think he noticed. Ted sat down on one of those built-in benches and he began to try on shirts. Seizing the moment, I told Ted how good he looked and I kissed him. Then I had the idea: This was the perfect place for an afternoon delight.
I was wearing loose cotton shorts, which I took off, along with my underwear. I sat on my shorts, so my bare butt wouldn't be touching the bench. I sat on the bench with my legs open in a modified Pilates position. At one point, I wrapped my legs around his shoulders. I am 5'3" and Ted is 5'10," so he had to squat a bit to get leverage.
Ted said the single most important aspect of dressing-room sex, at least for the guy, is proper leverage.
Here are a few tips for having sex in a dressing room:
1. The men’s dressing room is a better option than the women's. Guys look out of place even waiting OUTSIDE the women’s dressing room. He will certainly stand out trying to go in.
2. Dressing-room sex is hot because it’s against the rules, not because it’s the most physically comfortable act. You need to accept that your butt is going to be on a hard bench, chair or against a wall, and focus on the sex itself -- not your minor discomfort.
3. It helps if one or both of you is flexible. I am extremely flexible, so it was fast and easy to find a position that would work for us.
4. Having a bit of privacy is helpful for having sex in a public place. If there's someone using the dressing room next to you, it obviously might get weird for you -- or them! The larger and more secluded the room, the better. We were in a rather tiny dressing room, but I wouldn’t suggest it.
5. There are bad times to try to have a good time. It’s not cool to do this during busy times of day or busy times of year such as Black Friday or Christmas Eve.
6. This is a great opportunity to show your man your best orgasm face, not show off your impression of Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally." If you scream when you orgasm, don’t have sex in a dressing room. People will hear you and you will get caught. If you need to direct him, it’s a good idea to whisper. Or better yet, guide him with your hands.
7. If you make a mess, clean it up. Bring a tissue or five. And put your clothing back on the hanger properly. Leave the room how you found it.
8. It might be a good idea to actually buy something -- or at least look like it. Your 20 minutes in the dressing room will be less obvious this way. If you don’t plan on buying anything, put the clothing back where you found it.
9. When walking out, try not to look like you just had sex. Fix your hair and get the glow off your face. Walk out of the room as if nothing happened because if you followed my rules, no one will have any reason to think something did.
Do you have any naughty tales of public sex? Any tips for getting it on without getting caught? Did you get caught? Please discuss below!