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Perhaps the most frequently given sex advice is to “try something new.” The problem is, by the time most people seek out sex advice, they've already fallen into a rut and are feeling rather uncreative. My clients often tell me that they wind up feeling paralyzed by their lack of ideas.
That being said, I'm still an advocate of trying out new things. Not because there’s anything wrong with having your preferences or enjoying your routine (there isn’t), but because there’s just so much out there to explore!
So I'm here with some inspiration for those of you who are looking to mix things up in the bedroom. Below you'll find a long list of “new things” to try. My hope is that it will spark your imagination and help you realize that trying something new doesn't have to be intimidating.
Obviously there are plenty of other, more involved things you could experiment with, like having a threesome or going to a bondage workshop, but I wanted to provide ideas that would be easy and wouldn’t require leaving your house or buying any special equipment.
Think of a sexual role-model. It could be a real person, celebrity, or character from a TV show, movie, or book. Think about what they would be like in the sack, and try to mimic their persona.
Have sex in a different room of your house.
Try getting busy on different surfaces, like chairs, countertops, tables, or sofas.
Experiment with a different position. You can Google “creative sex positions” or “unusual sex positions.” Oftentimes, something as small as moving a limb or changing an angle can produce surprising results.
Use a scarf or tie to restrain your partner’s limbs, or have them tie you down.
Mess around in the shower or bathtub. Actual intercourse is usually quite tricky (watch out for getting soap in the wrong places), but other activities are nice.
Watch porn together. You can Google “female friendly porn” or “feminist porn” if you don’t like the mainstream stuff.
Blindfold your partner or have them blindfold you.
Have sex at a different time of day.
Make one person completely in charge. The other person can only do what they are explicitly told to do.
If you have a male partner, have him ejaculate somewhere he doesn't normally, like on your stomach or on your face.
Masturbate in front of each other.
Wear lingerie or a hot outfit while having sex. Push underwear to the side.
Read erotic fiction out loud to each other.
Have sex with all the lights on.
Or in complete darkness.
Change the order of your usual routine. For example, have intercourse, then give hand jobs.
Forbid yourselves from orgasming. Keep getting each other to the brink, then back off.
Play up a different aspect of your personality. Be bossier, more reserved, more innocent, or more vampy.
Roleplay a fantasy. It can be hot or goofy, elaborate or threadbare.
Try rounding all the bases. Go from making out to hand jobs, to oral sex, then to intercourse.
Trace your breasts all over your partner’s body.
Try dry-humping (and try thinking of a better name for it than dry-humping).
Sext each other while you’re in the same house.
Try lavishing a lot of attention on a body part that you normally ignore, like the calves or the back of the neck.
Initiate sex in a totally different way.
Try for multiple orgasms, even if you’ve never experienced them before.
Play with lube.
Experiment with anal.
Play different genres or tempos of music.
Incorporate some spanking or hair-pulling.
Take turns giving each other long, erotic massages, perhaps with a happy ending?
Go for double penetration with the help of a few fingers or a toy.
Try to make more eye contact than you usually do. Try keeping your eyes open while kissing, or looking at each other while you orgasm.
Have your partner stimulate your clitoris with a vibrator while having intercourse.
Try going as slowly as you possibly can.
Wear some ridiculously hot lingerie under your work clothes.
Take a break from sex to hold and caress each other.
Or tease each other mercilessly until one of you gives in and begs for more.
Have a quickie. You can even try “racing” each other to orgasm.
Touch your clitoris while having intercourse.
Play with food in the bedroom. Feed each other chocolate or small sips of wine, or give the Grapefruit Technique a try.
Try different strokes with manual or oral sex. Go faster or slower, or use more or less pressure than you usually do.
Talk to each other during sex.
Some fun ways to play with this list:
● Go through it with your partner and pick which things you're interested in trying.
● You can label them red (would not try), yellow (maybe), or green (definitely want to try).
● Or rate how appealing they sound on a scale of 1-10.
● Write the things you're interested in trying on slips of paper, then randomly select one to try out of a jar.
● Compete with your partner over silly things like card games or Fantasy Football. Winner gets to pick the new thing they want to try.
Have any ideas of your own? Please share in the comments!