5 Easy Ways to Make Masturbation Even Better

We all have parts of our health and sexuality that we're less inclined to cultivate, but a thoughtful self-pleasure practice can do great things for your life.
Avatar:
Emily Price
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
135
We all have parts of our health and sexuality that we're less inclined to cultivate, but a thoughtful self-pleasure practice can do great things for your life.

There are so many ways to feel about self-pleasure. There are passionate masturbation advocates who insist self-pleasure is the key to unlocking our most powerful selves. There are those who believe that masturbation is evil. There are the intellectual advocates of jerking off, who are on board with the importance of masturbation but have hard to find the time or motivation amidst all the other pursuits. There are those with a less active sex drive, who generally feel less of a frequent need to engage in self-pleasure or any form of sex. And then there are people, like me, who have a high sex drive and desire for sex, but, historically, a very low level of desire for self-pleasure.

I didn't know what to make of this lack of desire for myself, but when I found myself uncharacteristically wanting to spend some significant time out of partnership, I was excited at the prospect of taking the energy I'd put toward romantic relationships and offering it to myself instead. 

But there was this one thing: What was I gonna do about this high sex drive, all dressed up with nowhere to go? 

I felt a little self-judgey about this. A big part of my wellness-coaching practice is sexual health and vitality. That's what I teach my clients, and it is what I practice as well, but we all have parts of our health and sexuality that we're less inclined to cultivate. 

So here it was, my sacred obstacle — a chance to flex some less used self-care muscles. And I've learned a lot in the process.

Here are five simple ways I nourish and enjoy my solo sexual self.

Meditation

This is by far the best reason I've ever had for meditating. Yes, there are other benefits of meditation, but pleasure is always the best motivator for me. 

Meditation is one of the very best tools to have in your sex arsenal because pleasure happens in the present. It sounds simple, but there's a deeper truth here. Pleasure is not in the past or the future, it exists in the here and now. I couldn't even count the number of times I've heard friends or clients tell me their mind is in the way of having good sex — the running thoughts, insecurities, distractions, dissatisfactions. And it's true — if we are not present, very little pleasure can really happen. 

Meditation is like standing in a boring gym and weight training for a bike race in the south of France. We are building up the muscles of mental strength and ability to connect with the reality of the present so we can later use those muscles in a more exciting setting. And it works. 

Meditation greatly enhances my self-pleasure practice. Feeling bored, restless, distracted or agitated was definitely a huge barrier to regular masturbation. Regular meditative practices help me to be more willing and have greater mental fortitude to really focus and connection with anything, including my vagina.

Using a Yoni Egg

Yoni eggs have been getting more attention lately and I couldn't be happier about that. "Yoni" is another word for vagina, FYI. I'm pretty into the word itself, and yoni eggs are rad, too. 

So, it turns out, Kegels don't work for a lot of people. That's because we need resistance for those types of exercises to do what they're supposed to do, which is strengthen, tone, and sensitize the PC (pubococcygeus) and deep vaginal muscles.

A rose quartz yoni egg from yoniegg.com

A rose quartz yoni egg from yoniegg.com

Using a yoni egg is simple and awesome. You start with gentle squeezes and releases in different positions — knees up, legs straight out, hips raised — and then move on to more advanced moves (like strengthening each side separately — yes, we can do that). It may feel weird or boring at first, but over time, that layered awareness of all the different spaces, sensations, and movements that are possible within the vagina really enhance all other pleasurable awareness as well.

Yoni eggs are made from a variety of materials, the most common being jade. Mine is rose quartz and I love it. Other good materials are obsidian and orange aventurine, if you can find it.

Self-Massage

I started with a basic Ayurveda-inspired self-massage, using warm sesame oil before showering or bathing. I just place my bottle of oil in warm water so the oil is raised to a soothingly warm temp, and then gently massage my body starting with my feet, then calves, thighs, abdomen and so on. I hadn't been taught to include the yoni in my massage, so I added that in myself.

Doing this daily is life-changing! Connecting with my body in a loving, goal-less way on a regular basis has brought a new level of awareness of the daily, weekly, and monthly changes in my skin, muscles, and even my desires. I think of the self-massage, and vaginal massage, as way of just sort of greeting and re-meeting my body. I spend a lot of time above-the-shoulders, all up in my head space, and this is a conscious and loving way to remind myself that I do, in fact, have a body, and that body is pretty amazing.

Regular Exercise

Regularly moving my body makes a huge difference in energy flow. Without exercise, I notice that my energy starts to get lower, and that includes my sexual energy. I find myself feeling more stuck, stagnant, and disconnected. 

It doesn't have to be CrossFit. I, personally, will never do CrossFit, or even ashtanga yoga, or any extreme form of exercise. But I've noticed that sometimes this leads to my ignoring exercise altogether. My regular self-pleasure practice puts me in touch with how good it actually feels to move and use my body. Dancing, stretching, yin yoga, brisk walking are all perfectly excellent forms of exercise for this purpose. You just want to get your heart rate up a bit and move in ways you normally don't. 

It's especially excellent if the exercise includes strengthening of the abdomen and lower back; this will help a lot with the yoni egg and general pelvic/lower torso strength building. A strong torso greatly contributes to sexual pleasure and agility.

Self-Love

I mean, if someone else wanted to have sex with me, they'd have to be nice to me right? It turns out that when I'm being unkind to myself, I don't especially want to have sex with me. So I have to up my game to get myself in bed. 

Self-love can mean so many things, I know. I include it here because there can be a bit of a sticky correlation between my degree of care for myself and my sense of worthiness around experiencing pleasure. It's a great opportunity to look at any lingering funny ideas we have about feeling good, and our own ability to make ourselves feel good. Am I taking responsibility for my own pleasure? Or is there a secret part of me waiting for someone else to swoop in and magically take care of that? 

It's incredibly empowering to feel fully capable of meeting our own needs, of offering ourselves sensuality, touch, connection. Then, when we invite others into our sexual space, it's fully a choice made based on genuine desire rather than seeking to fill an emptiness or somehow confirm our need to be heavily dependent on others for our pleasure.

Another good question to ask yourself how you feel about prioritizing your own pleasure. Does it seem selfish? Less important? Superficial? I will share from experience that it really is true: prioritizing my own care and nourishment greatly enhances the lives of those around me as well. I show up excited, bright, and full. I have a lot to offer. I don't feel put-upon or in need of assuming a victim role, and I know that no matter what happens in the context of personal relationships, I will be OK. I will still have myself, and I am someone I love. Making sure to say kind things to myself and even romance myself a bit has made a huge difference in my desire to give and allow myself pleasure. It's shifted a lot of things in my life for the better, and it's an ever-expanding and revealing process. 

It may feel strange or silly at first, but if a regular self-pleasure practice piques your interest, try it out. It may be your intuition sending you in the right direction.