I Have a "Heart On!" Get It, Guys? Get It?

Finally, a vibrator fit for princesses like us.

Sep 27, 2011 at 4:00pm | Leave a comment

Way back when we first launched this website, I promised you I would talk about my vagina a lot. I worry about keeping my promises to you, dear reader. Have I spoken of my vagina enough? Do you feel like you know her as intimately as one of my grimy ex-boyfriends from when I had low self-esteem?

Let me tell you, my vagina these days is a pampered creature, and as such should be touched only by luxury sex toys or my boyfriend's hand after I make him wear a glove full of Vaseline for an hour ala Curley in the Steinbeck classic "Of Mice and Men." Yes, even the literary canon is about MY VAGINA.

But as soon as the HeartOn Waterproof Wand Vibrator from Good Vibrations crossed my desk, I knew it would find a happy home up in my lady business. It's adorable! Like something a fairy would masturbate with. Those little buttons on the front turn the vibe on and off and let you cycle through 6 different modes -- 3 vibration speeds and 3 pulse speeds.

Do any of you get into the pulse mode? I find it extremely frustrating. It feels like being very lightly punched on the clitoris by a butterfly. But I'm beginning to realize I can't get off unless my vibrator basically has a four horsepower engine, so I had to finish up with my beloved Hitachi, which is nowhere near as adorable as this little dude. 

But if you prefer light, fluttery vibrator kisses to the revving engine variety, or want to play with vibration during partner sex without quickly and efficiently orgasming, as I prefer, you won't have those issues. Plus, cute! Ask for it (or give it) for Valentine's Day!