My first adult lady vibrator was a purple chimp with a vibrating banana named Charlie. I don't like it when vibrators have human names. Since then, I've come to value function over form -- I want to get off and I don't want it to take very long and I'm usually by myself so I don't care that my Hitachi Magic Wand looks like something grandmas use on their bunions. (Hitachi Magic Wand, if you're reading this, I didn't mean it baby, I loooooove you.)

But that doesn't mean I can't appreciate freaking cute sex toys. After all, don't we deserve to fill our orificies with adorable things? A cute sex toy is like a kitten video for your vagina.

So I rounded up my favorite cute toys, only one of which is a little animal, because I'm sure you already know how to find your own chimp. And I'm also giving them away! Yes, we took them all out of the packages and touched them and stuff, but we didn't put them in our vaginas, and if you'd like us to, that costs extra.

Also, Olivia stole the little bunny vibe, and I'm sorry about that, but I also live by the philosophy that if she had to steal it, she probably needs it more than we do. Everything else will be shipped off to one randomnly chosen lady -- just leave a comment on this post about your first vibrator to win. (Special thanks to Good Vibrations Toy Shop.)

Love ya'll bitches! xo Emily