A Lot of Dudes Just Don't Even Try To Go Down On You, Right?

They don't come right out and refuse to go down on you. They just never, ever take the initiative.

Feb 4, 2013 at 3:00pm | Leave a comment

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y u no eat it?

A lot of dudes just don't even try to eat your pussy, right?

A friend of mine has just started seeing someone new and she's considering ditching him after a few cunninglus-less hook-ups.

And it's been awhile, but I don't recall that being a particularly unusual state of affairs. Like, halfsies? They don't come right out and refuse to go down on you. They just never, ever take the initiative to do so. Maybe this has gotten better since my dating years? I would like to hear of a positive trend in provided cunnilingus because I think this situation says more about gender relations today than anything I ever read in women's studies at NYU.

It's one thing to just not eat a pussy once or twice. Sometimes you're doing other things and it doesn't come up. I'm talking about these guys who barely even LOOK at your pussy, like you could bang this dude for a year and he would never once even get below your ribcage.

They should at least pretend, like that thing I always did on dates where I half-reached into my bag even though I knew the dude I was with was going to cover the bill. Act like you're on your way down there but you just got distracted by the sweet Portishead mix or whatever. I don't even love getting my pussy eaten, but it's a matter of common courtesy, like being polite to waiters. 

After all, he doesn't know I don't love it. I don't always want you to eat my pussy, but I want you to want to eat my pussy, you know?

Because I am admittedly something of a people-pleaser, but I feel like there's a pretty strong expectation that my partner's penis is going in my mouth at some point during an average sexual encounter. Like if I were to avoid the act, or outright refuse to perform it, I would seem weird or uptight, right?

Yet I have slept with so many dudes who wouldn't be able to pick my labia out of a line-up cause, like, they never saw it.

And because women aren't necessarily socialized to expect oral sex, sometimes you get wrapped up in things and kind of don't notice until later, when you're watching "Project Runway" and all of a sudden you're like, "Wait, that fucker didn't eat my pussy!"

I tweeted that at a friend on Twitter and she said I must be very unselfish because after like 8 seconds she's like, "Well?"

But I'm not unselfish! At least not outside of a relationship -- Why I'm gonna be unselfish for some dude I'm just banging? And none of them ever just kind of neglected to remember oral sex. And yet there I am like, "Did I remember to turn off the coffee pot? Lock the front door? Get my pussy eaten?"

Not to mention that if a guy doesn't volunteer it, I sort of assume he doesn't like it, and I would never want to like, subject anyone to my pussy. But, again: Would a guy care? Judging by the amount of times my head has been PUSHED directly into a crotch, I'd venture NOT.

Anyway, I asked some of the 24-year-old girls around here if dudes their age mostly eat pussy and they acted like I was sending a dispatch from prehistoric times, so perhaps this problem is resolving itself naturally with time. I was scared to ask if they always have orgasms.

My advice to my friend was that she should just tell the guy to eat her pussy already, by the way. But honestly? She shouldn't have to.