Insemination - xoJane

Getting Pregnant With Michelle Tea: Should Dashiell and I Get ELF SPERM?

Michelle Tea — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 11:30:00 -0500

Does it seem like I am trying to genetically manipulate myself a strikingly beautiful baby? Because I am. Is that creepy or what?

Getting Pregnant With Michelle Tea: How Babies Are Made When They're Made in Clinics

Michelle Tea — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 14:00:00 -0400

In Dr. Waller’s office, we learn how IVF works.

Michelle Tea: SPERM CLUB!

Michelle Tea — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 16:00:19 -0400

No, I don’t know if my birth father is alive or dead but last I heard he was alive but that was some years ago and he’d told me he was having heart problems and then his phone got disconnected and who knows. Ugh. Do I even want to pass on these genes?

Michelle Tea: "Inseminate When You Feel Pretty"

Michelle Tea — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 14:30:22 -0400

Is there a baby-spirit up there in the ether, looking down at me and saying "Fuck naw, that crazy bitch ain’t gonna pull me into her whirlwind and use me for blog fodder!"

MICHELLE TEA: "Talking on the Phone Is For Teenagers"

Michelle Tea — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 17:00:26 -0400

KNOW WHAT’S AWESOME? HEALTH INSURANCE, I tweet, feeling the sensation of my life changing as my life is being changed.

Michelle Tea: "My Precious Clone Baby Would Be Severely Busted From High-Tech Inbreeding"

Michelle Tea — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 13:00:29 -0400

Through this technology I could conceivably use my OWN bone marrow to make my OWN sperm and then fertilize my OWN egg. I DON’T NEED ANYONE!

Michelle Tea: "Hookers Have All Sorts of Helpful Information"

Michelle Tea — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 17:00:26 -0400

Plus, Quentin may in fact have gonorrhea after all.

Michelle Tea: Does My Sperm Have Gonorrhea?

Michelle Tea — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 16:00:22 -0400

Checking email on my phone while I wait for a flight to Los Angeles to visit my sister, I find one from Quentin. It’s titled "Immaculate Infection."

Michelle Tea: Quentin Fails to Perform

Michelle Tea — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 12:00:26 -0400

I’m excited to increase the ferocity of my measures if my period comes again, but I hope hope hope hope I never even have to swallow one of these black market beauties.

Michelle Tea; "I Love Gender"

Michelle Tea — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 11:00:27 -0400

Folks in my world have separated sex from gender so wholly that there is no way to comfortably relax into the idea of a baby girl being like THIS, or a baby boy being like THAT.

Michelle Tea: "I Love You, Tree"

Michelle Tea — Mon, 28 May 2012 09:00:21 -0400

In my original plan, if I wasn’t with child by my 41st birthday I’d call it quits and split for Paris.

Michelle Tea: Lemon Trees and Quentin's Sperm

Michelle Tea — Fri, 18 May 2012 15:26:20 -0400

Even though people say that the dude’s sperm needs to be checked for potency too, I was never worried about Quentin. He’s a virile, healthy 28-year-old. I know that if there is anything physical preventing this pregnancy from happening, it’s on my side.

Michelle Tea: Diva Cups and My Stevie Nicks-ian Higher Power

Michelle Tea — Thu, 10 May 2012 14:30:22 -0400

My god is not a mean trickster god, nor is she a humorless taskmaster judging my pregnancy attempts and punishing me with infertility if I don’t kill myself trying.

Michelle Tea: Don't Get Me Started on Fathers

Michelle Tea — Fri, 04 May 2012 16:30:34 -0400

A great Dad is really most certainly amazing, it is also a rarity, and so in 90 percent of the cases having no dad at all beats having a shitty Dad.

Michelle Tea: This Is Totally The Kind of Drug Addict I Am

Michelle Tea — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 12:00:42 -0400

If these shady drugs don’t hook me up with a belly full of triplets or at least one good set of conjoined twins within six months, I think it’s time to move on to the harder stuff.

Michelle Tea: Even Though We Aint Got Money, We've Got Plenty of Cervical Mucus

Michelle Tea — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 13:00:22 -0400

Could the fertility industry be even more diabolical than the diet industry when it comes to hooking in women and draining of their hope and savings?

Michelle Tea: The Cruel Calculus of the Fertility Clinic

Michelle Tea — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 15:00:41 -0400

It seems crazy that I could just have SEX with Quentin and get preggers, but if I want his seed catapulted into me via the miracle of modern medicine, the FDA wants to get involved.

Michelle Tea: Happy Birthday, Quentin!

Michelle Tea — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 15:00:25 -0400

Quentin comes over carrying an unwieldy, hand-written protest sign. Occupy SF has been shutting down the financial district since the early morning, and Quentin has been down there all day, celebrating his birthday with some free speech and outrage.

Michelle Tea: Dashiell and I Have a Fight

Michelle Tea — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 12:00:25 -0400

Get ready to want to stab yourself in the cervix from boredom. Like all couples, we are about to fight about NOTHING.

Michelle Tea: Imagine How You Would Feel If You Just Stabbed Your Bestie in the Cervix

Michelle Tea — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 15:00:20 -0400

It suddenly occurs to me that I can TOTALLY have a baby. This body can do that. I think I doubt it a lot. I’m impatient, and get discouraged easily. It’s why I don’t have a driver’s license.