Sarah Fazeli - xoJane

I Always Thought My Husband Would Buy Me a Diamond Necklace, But Now That We're Getting Divorced, I Bought One For Myself

Sarah Fazeli — Fri, 17 May 2013 13:30:00 -0400

Maybe I can’t have it all. But, I can have a diamond necklace.

I Went To The High School Where Carla Hale Was Fired For Being a Lesbian

Sarah Fazeli — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 13:00:00 -0400

I’m mad as hell. After all, that’s my alma mater you’re talking about.

This Skincare Ad With The Semi Naked Kid Makes Me Feel Icky

Sarah Fazeli — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 12:30:00 -0400

Most people think it is pure, sweet, wholesome and all around lovely.

Do This Don't: Nap All The Freaking Time

Sarah Fazeli — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 18:00:00 -0500

Nap shame lies somewhere between Peter Pan Syndrome (refusal to grow up) and Sleep Machismo (lack of sleep as a virtue).

I'm Pretty Sure I'm A Bad Feminist For Watching "The Bachelor"

Sarah Fazeli — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 17:00:00 -0500

The show is exploitative. Degrading. Absurd. And I’m hooked.

My Doctor Violated My Urethra Without Permission

Sarah Fazeli — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:00:00 -0500

At Dr. B’s office, I wasn’t told a cystoscopy would even be happening. I wasn’t asked if I wanted it. Afterward, I got in my car and cried for a long time.

My Laptop Went Into A Coma, Or How I Realized I Am Not My Work

Sarah Fazeli — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 11:30:00 -0500

Just like there is never a good time for your toilet to clog, or your electricity to go out, or to develop a bladder infection, there is never a good time for your computer to crash.

Who Are These Women Wearing 4-Inch Heels On An Afternoon Flight To Phoenix?

Sarah Fazeli — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 11:00:00 -0500

I want to look pulled together when I fly. I’ve recently accepted that I do not. When I go home for the holidays I go in style: sweat pants and Uggs with wool socks.

Um, I Just Had a Totally Spontaneous Hands-Free Orgasm

Sarah Fazeli — Tue, 04 Dec 2012 11:00:00 -0500

Even if such a thing was possible -- an orgasm with no genital contact of any kind -- it seemed like something that would take years of Tantric study, lots of candle-lit OM-ing and lifetimes of good karma to learn.

The Turkey Pardon Makes Me Hate Thanksgiving

Sarah Fazeli — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 12:00:00 -0500

The Presidential Turkey Pardon should make me feel warm and fuzzy, but all it does is make me feel like shit about Thanksgiving. Here’s why.

The Campaign's Over, Now Can I Finally Let Go Of My Election Anxiety?

Sarah Fazeli — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 17:00:00 -0500

I have a history of dramatic dreams during election season.

Mocking the Dead: Why I Hate Halloween

Sarah Fazeli — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 17:00:00 -0400

Halloween revels in the macabre and the morbidity of death, the physical state of the lifeless body, the fear of death itself.

Fine, I Love Zumba, Are You Happy?

Sarah Fazeli — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 17:00:00 -0400

I decided that Zumba, the “dance-fitness” craze, was cheesy and that I wouldn’t be caught dead doing it. Until I did it.

How to Sext Yourself -- A Primer for Self-Seduction AND Self-Respect

Sarah Fazeli — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 17:00:00 -0400

Despite the fact he began disrespecting me, I still wanted to _____ and _____ him all day and all night.

If Nigella Lawson is Fat Then What Am I?

Sarah Fazeli — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 09:00:00 -0400

Living in Los Angeles, I’m often aware of my weight. Shape. Frame. I am also aware of everyone else’s weight. And what everyone else thinks of that weight. I am aware of the weight of all of this weight.

I'm a Bit Holier Than Thou When It Comes to the R-Word

Sarah Fazeli — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 12:00:00 -0400

It shocks the hell out of me every time one of my friends casually throws out an, "Oh my God, I am so retarded" Really? Does no one else take offense? Or am I the only sanctimonious retard that cares?

My (Scary, Destructive) Brush With Scientology Light

Sarah Fazeli — Mon, 27 Aug 2012 13:00:00 -0400

So. Is it a cult? Technically, no. But, if it walks like cult, talks like a cult, and preys on people like a cult, it just might be Landmark.

OMG, Did I Just Make a Rape Joke?

Sarah Fazeli — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 14:00:00 -0400

Sometimes we defuse discomfort, or anger, or rage with humor because there is nothing left to do in the moment.

I Hate Your Book Club

Sarah Fazeli — Wed, 08 Aug 2012 17:00:24 -0400

I would rather just read the damn book myself.