Rebecca - xoJane

I HATE EVERYONE: 5 Things That Cheer Me Up When I Am Being A Jerk

Rebecca — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:30:00 -0400

Other items that perk me up include ice coffee the size of my head, and all of the cookies that there are.

That Plus Size Model Meme Is Terrible: A Stranger's Body Is Not Yours To Judge, Internet!

Rebecca — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 10:00:00 -0400

A meme on the internet is at it’s best when it’s charming and vaguely stupid. But this isn’t always the case, because, as time and trolls have proved, the internet has some dark corners.

IT'S A PANDEMIC: Half of all Dudes Can't Use A Washing Machine

Rebecca — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 15:30:00 -0400

This explains why they never appreciate my "relationships are a lot like the heavy load cycle" speech.

5 Things To Buy When You Find Out Your Son Has Been Texting Unwanted Pics Of His D#%k

Rebecca — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 13:30:00 -0400

New eyes did not make the list, but were a serious contender.

HELP: All My House Plants Are Dying And I'm Taking It Personally

Rebecca — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 16:00:00 -0400

Between the mold, and the wilting, and the cats' insistence that they are all dinner -- the poor guys never stood a chance.

Gay Raincoats: Porn's Most Searched Words

Rebecca — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 13:00:00 -0400

It is small world after all.

I Found My Teenaged Journal And It Is The Worst

Rebecca — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 15:00:00 -0400

At least there was no Willow/Madmartigan erotica in this one. God knows where that ended up.

xoSHAME: I'm Almost 30 And I Just Got My Driver's License

Rebecca — Thu, 30 May 2013 16:00:00 -0400

Before I got this license, I tried to board airplanes with stuff like, a Polaroid of me and Mr. T. THE TSA CERTAINLY DID NOT PITY THIS PARTICULAR FOOL.

A FUNERAL, And Four Other Terrible Places To Go On A First Date

Rebecca — Wed, 29 May 2013 17:00:00 -0400

I almost included your gyno appointment, but I feel like some dudes would be real into that.

"You Read Too Many Books": I Sent Guys On OKCupid The Types Of Messages They Send Me

Rebecca — Tue, 28 May 2013 11:00:00 -0400

With no prospects lined up and two nominally active accounts, I decided to start sending men who had visited my profiles the sort of messages I receive on a daily basis.

BEAUTY PANIC: Your Expired Sunscreen Is Trying To Kill You

Rebecca — Fri, 24 May 2013 17:00:00 -0400

I do many, many stupid things - like once putting an entire cupcake in the dryer****. But wearing expired sunscreen shouldn't be one of them.

"Your Vagina is Repulsive" And Other Offers of Conditional Love You Should Reject

Rebecca — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:30:00 -0400

If a dude wants to tell me my vagina is repulsive, that's awesome, but he should be warned, I have sharp teeth, lock-jaw and passion for angry blow-jobs.

Pot Will Make You Thin Says Science: Here Are 5 Other Alternative Diets That Probably Won't

Rebecca — Tue, 21 May 2013 10:30:00 -0400

I'd stick to the pot-for-thinness diet myself, if I didn't becomes insanely concerned about the reality of my own death every time a pipe was in my general area.

Don't Touch The Vinyl: I'm Worried I'm A Hipster

Rebecca — Mon, 20 May 2013 13:00:00 -0400

I will probably judge you for wearing a band shirt you bought at Urban Outfitters.

I'm Making The Female "Power Paunch" Happen

Rebecca — Wed, 15 May 2013 10:00:00 -0400

You are literally unprepared for this jelly.

Now Even My Diet Coke Thinks I Need To Shut It And Get A Man, If Only To Open The Bottle For Me

Rebecca — Tue, 14 May 2013 17:00:00 -0400

You know what would happen if I got a bottle of cola I couldn’t open out of a machine? I would try to furtively open it with my teeth.

You Say Tomato, I Say F*ck Old Guys: I Support Your Weird Celebrity Crush

Rebecca — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:00:00 -0400

While my peers swooned over the New Kids, I was wondering just how to go about contacting James Caan -- in my pants.

OMG IT BURNS: That Time I Put On A Bunch Of Expired Makeup So You Won't Have To

Rebecca — Tue, 07 May 2013 12:00:00 -0400

Spontaneous rashes, bad color choices, and the smell of an old guy's rotten mouth.

WTF SELF: 5 Things In My Kitchen I Don't Use And Should Maybe Set On Fire

Rebecca — Mon, 06 May 2013 11:00:00 -0400

In which the following is discussed: murder, the mental anguish of my future children, AND CRISCO.

RACK TALK: My Boobs Aren't Allowed In The Office, But That Dude's Calf Is?

Rebecca — Wed, 01 May 2013 13:30:00 -0400

My boobs were never welcomed in any workplace in corporate America.