Helena - xoJane

My Dog Is Racist

Helena — Fri, 24 May 2013 10:30:00 -0400

Doggie racism sounds ridiculous but it's a real thing.

Is There Some Unspoken Girl Rule That You Have to Return A Compliment in Kind?

Helena — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:30:00 -0400

Apparently when a woman gives another woman a compliment, the only socially acceptable response is reciprocal in nature.

Do You Ever Stop Fighting With Your Mom?

Helena — Fri, 17 May 2013 11:30:00 -0400

This one survey says yes.

I'm a 32-Year-Old Woman With a Hickey And I Just Got Street-Harassed About It

Helena — Tue, 14 May 2013 12:30:00 -0400

A hickey? For serious?

So I Lost My Debit Card (Again)

Helena — Mon, 13 May 2013 11:30:00 -0400

Every time I lose a card (anything important really) I tell myself, "This is it! This is the last time! I will be responsible and amazing from this day forward." And, well, you know how that story ends.

Having An Ex Come At Me Like Ray J Is One of My Worst Nightmares

Helena — Wed, 08 May 2013 11:30:00 -0400

The whole sad affair got me to thinking about all the sorry clowns out there who could potentially throw a bitter wrench all up in my flow.

I Had The Scariest Dream About My Dog Dying And Now I'm Hyper Paranoid

Helena — Tue, 07 May 2013 10:30:00 -0400

This is also just an excuse to publish a bunch of rad pictures of the Milester.

I Guess I'm Officially an Adult, Because I Just Broke Up a Teen Girl Fight

Helena — Fri, 03 May 2013 16:00:00 -0400

Clearly I'm always in the wrong place at the right time.

I'm Covered In Scars -- Tell Me Your Favorite Scar Story

Helena — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 15:00:00 -0400

This is my left arm after an angry bubble of olive oil attacked me for no good reason.

What Do You Do When You Start Sounding Like A Nag?

Helena — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:30:00 -0400

Isn't nagging just extra caring?

I'm Working On My Fake Smile To Seem Nice To My Mean Neighbors

Helena — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 12:30:00 -0400

And like most early onset curmudgeons I consider my inability to BS people one of my better qualities.

I Used Some Man Deodorant For A Week And Just No

Helena — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 15:30:00 -0400

Turns out some things just might be just for men.

Now That Cupcakes Are Over, What Are You Gonna Do?

Helena — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 10:30:00 -0400

According to the numbers, cupcakes are no longer the go-to ironic party snack. What's next?

Why Can't I Ever Throw Makeup Away? Like Ever?

Helena — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 16:00:00 -0400

I physically can't bring myself to get rid of makeup that I just KNOW is still good.

I Think I've Officially Aged Out Of Bebe

Helena — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 18:00:00 -0400

It's a definite sign of getting older when your brand loyalty changes.

Oh, Hey There, Cellulite, I Didn't Even Know You Were There

Helena — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 09:00:00 -0400

So I have cellulite now. Like that's a thing.

True Confession: I Can't Throw Out My Jeans That Don't Fit Anymore

Helena — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 16:00:00 -0400

I have about TEN pairs of jeans that I can't get past my knees, but I will never get rid of them. Ever.

I Refuse To Throw Away This Wishbone From Last Week Until I've Made A Good Wish

Helena — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 18:00:00 -0400

Yes, I'm that superstitious.

Why Are People Gross? Including Me For Taking A Picture Of A Toilet.

Helena — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 10:30:00 -0400

I'm probably one of the grosser people you know, but even I draw the line somewhere.

Have You Ever Watched A Workout Vid Without Working Out?

Helena — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 10:30:00 -0400

See, my plan today was to workout strictly by osmosis and strangely I feel quite accomplished.