Claire Lower - xoJane

I LOVE MAROON 5, OK? Tell Me Your Guilty Pleasure Music

Claire Lower — Thu, 23 May 2013 13:00:00 -0400

There are already enough pleasurable things we feel guilty about, let’s not add music, books, and movies to the list.

xoFOOD: These Three Insane Burgers Will Make Your Whole Summer

Claire Lower — Tue, 21 May 2013 16:00:00 -0400

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: If your sensibilities were at all offended by Pizza Hut’s Crazy Cheese Crust Taste Explosion, turn back now. This is way more upsetting than that.

I Wanted To Give You Guys Three Awesome Fruit Snack Recipes But I Failed You So Here’s One That’s OK, I Guess

Claire Lower — Thu, 16 May 2013 11:30:00 -0400

I found the recipe on Pinterest, it contained beets, and it contained kombucha. ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE THAT THIS WAS NOT GOING TO WORK OUT.

xoFOOD: Make New Friends (And Lovers) By Making Your Own Cheese!

Claire Lower — Mon, 13 May 2013 12:30:00 -0400

If you really want to impress the pants off someone, make a staple from scratch.

I’m So Effing Tired of People Telling Me To Use Coconut Oil For EVERYTHING

Claire Lower — Thu, 09 May 2013 13:00:00 -0400

Is the coconut a wonderful, delicious food delivered to us by god himself? Yes. Can coconut oil cure your genital herpes? Probably not.

XoFood: A Review of Pizza Hut’s Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza

Claire Lower — Mon, 06 May 2013 12:30:00 -0400

America is playing a weird game of culinary chicken with itself, creating junk/comfort food hybrids like mac and cheese filled meatloaf.

In Defense of Sad Bastard Music

Claire Lower — Fri, 03 May 2013 14:30:00 -0400

I would say 90% of the music I listen to is “depressing” or at least “vaguely upsetting” and almost always in minor keys.

5 Affordable Methods For Cleaning Your Pores -- PLUS Many Are Also Useful For Terrifying Your Housemates!

Claire Lower — Wed, 01 May 2013 17:00:00 -0400

Aestheticians enjoy working on me. One less than tactful lady could hardly contain her joy when she exclaimed “Your pores are HUGE. And there’s SO MUCH IN THEM.”

“Chemical Free” Is Not A Real Thing And Chemophobia Is Making People Stupid

Claire Lower — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 12:00:00 -0400

“Chemical free” is a term made up by some marketing person to scare you.

Make Your Kitchen The Happiest Place On Earth: Four Recipes From Disneyworld.

Claire Lower — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 16:00:00 -0400

There are certain consumables that I must put in my body EVERY time I am at Disneyworld. One of these is Dole Pineapple Whip, aka The Edible Smile of God.

I'm Sorry I Was Such A Dick, Pinterest! 5 DIY Pins That Actually Work Featuring FLOAM!

Claire Lower — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 16:00:00 -0400

I was starting to worry that you all thought I was a bitter Pinterest-hating crone who sat in my cave making pins fail on purpose so I could write about them.

May My Pancreas Forgive: My Exploration Into The World of “Hidden Menus”

Claire Lower — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 14:00:00 -0400

I was told I could get an Apple Pie McFlurry by the internet. I was told I could not get an Apple McFlurry by Diane, my neighborhood McDonald’s cashier.

Pinterest Continues To Be a Web of Lies, or, That Time I Almost Set Myself on Fire

Claire Lower — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 13:00:00 -0400

Most of you know how I feel about Pinterest. I don’t know how many of you follow my “I don’t believe you board,” but there have been some doozies.

I Continue Be Super Gross and Put Weird Things In My Body: Cocktail Edition

Claire Lower — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 14:00:00 -0400

For those of you following along at home, it should be pretty apparent by now that I will eat/drink anything for attention and/or love.

DO THIS DON'T: Washing And Conditioning Your Hair With Vinegar And Baking Soda

Claire Lower — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 15:30:00 -0400

When my beautiful, all-natural-without-being-granola aunt (who is only seven years my senior) suggested that my hair could be cleansed with baking soda (sodium bicarbonate) and conditioned with vinegar (acetic acid), I was super skeptical.

Make Your Own Dog Treats, Now With More Chicken Hearts!

Claire Lower — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 11:30:00 -0500

I’ve had people tell me that eating raw chicken makes their dog really happy, but you know what else makes them really happy? Eating used sanitary pads.

How Not To Be A Dick At The Vet Hospital

Claire Lower — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 16:00:00 -0500

My dad is fond of saying “Not all pet owners are crazy, but all crazy people have pets.” Truer words never spoken.

I'll Try Anything Once: Going Vegan for a Week

Claire Lower — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 15:00:00 -0500

I would like to thank olives, bread, hummus and alcohol. You guys are the real heroes here.

I Used This Foodpairing Website to Try Out Molecular Gastronomy At Home

Claire Lower — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 17:00:00 -0500

We’ve already established that I will try almost any combo of edible material, so why not back up my choices with science?

WE ARE ALL GROSS: I Ate Some Weird Sandwiches Suggested By Others (Plus: A Pickletini!)

Claire Lower — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 14:00:00 -0500

Since the peanut butter and pickle sandwich post, lots of folks have been suggesting weird sandwiches for me to eat. You know what? You guys are freaking gross.