YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: My Friend Befriended My Rapist

I've thought about confronting her about it, but I'm afraid to because she could very well just not believe me.

Feb 20, 2014 at 6:30pm | Leave a comment

A friend of mine who I've known for a little over a year has been dropping the name of a man who repeatedly raped me when I was 13. It doesn't happen terribly often, but when it does it fucks me up for quite a while. I try my best not to think about it, or remember it in any way. I moved away for a few years but I was having trouble supporting myself financially and decided to move back home to my family. I now live only a block away from the man who raped me, and it's made me very agoraphobic, but that's another issue. My main issue is that this chick is actually friends with him; not close friends, but friends nonetheless. I've not said anything to her about it, I've only tried to communicate with my body language and facial expressions, which I think may have actually worked a little. 
Let me go ahead and say that I do not want to be friends with her, but it's much more difficult to break up the friendship than it should be. Her husband and my boyfriend are friends, and honestly her husband is a great friend to me as well but I can't be friends with one and not the other. I've tried to slowly disconnect from her but she is so clingy. For instance, she won't stop calling/texting until I finally give in and hang out with her. I just don't know how to break the friendship up, and also, she and her husband are two of three friends I hang out with regularly, and if they weren't in the picture I wonder how lonely I would be.
I've thought about confronting her about it, but I'm afraid to because she could very well just not believe me. But on the other hand, that would be an easy way to end the friendship. I also just don't want the confrontation; I'd rather not think or talk about this ever. But facing it would be better than having his name dropped nonchalantly every now and then. I want her to know that I don't want him mentioned, ever, I don't want to talk about it, ever, and I don't want her to talk to him about me, ever. This woman actually asked me "why" when I asked her to fast-forward through a rape scene in a tv show. Instead of just doing it, she had me explain why it made me uncomfortable. That's when my boyfriend stepped in and said, "just do it," fortunately. That moment alone made me feel like I could never talk to her about this. What should I do?

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