YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: Can I Catch The Bouquet?

Should I go with the flow and swallow my principles or take a stand and possibly offend or confuse someone I've never met?

Sep 9, 2013 at 6:30pm | Leave a comment

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ok so. i'm going to be a guest at my partner's cousin's wedding soon. my partner and i have been in a relationship for over 5 years, and have been in a legal domestic partnership for over 2. we're in it for the long haul, just haven't chosen to participate in the traditions of a wedding and marriage yet for a number of both practical and personal reasons. 
this is going to be a fairly traditional catholic wedding and i'm not sure what to do if there's a bouquet toss. my first instinct is "i'm not single. why would i participate?" however, i don't want to offend anyone in the extended family since i'm not technically married. i feel like it's disrespectful of the relationship i've built with my partner to 1) answer when a dj calls "all the single ladies" to the floor and 2) participate in a tradition which implies that marriage is something that's really important to me (it's not). while we are very close with his parents and a  few of his other relatives, it's a big family and not everyone is aware of the reasons for our choice to go the domestic partnership route- if they even know we're in a partnership. 
i know i could just stand in the group and intentionally not catch the bouquet, but i hate faking it. so- to go with the flow and swallow my principles or take a stand and possibly offend or confuse someone i've never met? i'm feeling this choice will feel far less pressing after a few trips to the bar, but at the moment it's gnawing at me.
Posted in Relationships