The Great Online Dating Debate: 6 Months and Counting
I know I’d originally agreed to do this for six months, but after careful consideration (and a few heart-to-heart chats with my damn self), I’ve come to the realization that I might not have given it my all the first go-round, therefore I’m going to stick with it for the foreseeable future. Plus I’m really starting to have fun! Well, sort of… Here’s what’s going on:
1) Dutch is the devil.
Last month I had a great first date with a pretty cool guy. That is, until the bill came.
Allow me to set the scene: Two hours filled with chatting and chewing, sipping and laughing over a lovely (and affordable!) candlelit dinner. When the check dropped he promptly said, “I’ll just take care of this, yeah?” I flashed my megawatt smile and said, “Sure, thank you,” while fiddling with my compact.
10 seconds later, he said it again. “So should I just take care of this now?” (I smiled and nodded yes without looking up.)
Then he said it again. “Soooo… Should I just take care of this by myself?”
That’s when I finally got the hint. (Took long enough! We could have sidestepped all of this had he have just been upfront about wanting me to pay half.)
This is the first time this has ever happened to me; the moment was so very awkward.com. And it was right in front of the waitress! Mortified, I quickly handed her my AMEX so that she could split the cheap ass $50 bill down the middle.
(Fifty fucking bucks. Guess he’s not doing too well in that cushy I.T. gig he kept going on and on about.)
On the way out of the restaurant, he asked when he could see me again. I mumbled something about not being sure and letting him know at a later date, which he had to know was a bold-faced lie. My energy toward him had totally changed; he gave me no prior indication that he was the kind of guy that prefers to go Dutch on dates! Had I have known, I would have suggested something quicker and cheaper, like coffee.
I’m lying like shit -- I wouldn’t have gone out with him at all.
Much like Brittny Pierre, I don't subscribe to the idea that "girls should pay their own way" either. Fuck that. He asked me out for dinner. He asked for two hours of my time. Why should I have to pay for the pleasure of getting to know him? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
Thing is, I love settling down at night with a glass of white and a $6 tuna salad bowl (with olives!) from Subway. I don’t need to pay to spend time with a stranger. Besides, isn’t ponying up all part of the dating game (for men, at least)? And if I comply with paying my own way, what kind of tone does that set for the relationship? Will he always expect me to buy one movie ticket? Order separately at McDonalds? Buy half of the ingredients whenever we cook? Pay for exactly half of my engagement ring? Nah.
It just seems so petty. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to show my appreciation and respect by paying every now and then (like one round out of every five or six), but I’ll never date a man who wants me to pay for 50% of everything. There’s too many out there who are more than happy to pay 100%.
P.S.—"Dutch daddy" still reaches out asking when we’ll have date #2. I refuse to respond, but persevere on, my brother. I commend his dedication to dating IJJ!
2) What’s App is El Diablo, too.
I use a pay-as-you-go burner phone to communicate with my online dates, and since it costs me to send text messages, 90% of the time I rely on What’s App to converse with them simply because 1) It’s free (and if it ain’t free, it ain’t for me!) and 2) I hate talking on the phone.
Side note: If you text me and I don't respond, that’s not an open invitation to pick up the phone and call. I’m not going to answer. In fact, I’ll probably feel smothered and cut you all the way off, especially if you call again. And again. And again…
But I digress.
If you aren’t familiar, What’s App displays your recent engagement status (whether you’re currently online or when you were last online) to everyone. My issue with that is this: Several IJJ fans use that damn digital timestamp to their advantage. These kinds of messages seriously creep me out: “Why are you ignoring me?!” or “Whoa! 6 a.m.? You were up early this morning!”
The fuck? (And actually I was out late, thankyouverymuch.)
The only way he’d know my status was if he was A) Peeking in my window (Perv!) or B) Purposely looking to see when I was last online.
I just find it so odd. I’d never open up someone’s chat box for the sole purpose of checking to see when he or she last sent a message. And I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt -- maybe he went with that because he didn’t really have anything substantial to say in the first place, but it’s still weird, right?
During the early stages of dating, I think it’s incredibly important to put your best foot forward and keep your stalker-like tendencies off of Front Street. Especially when communicating with people you meet online; your virtual persona is your strongest selling point. If you’re crazy, you can totally hide that shit and play it cooler than a motherfucker! Two words: Take advantage!
3) I’ve encountered my very first Mr. Blah.
I went out with another guy whom I had a perfectly nice time with and he’s perfectly pleasant and seems perfectly normal; I just can’t get it up for him. Trust me -- I’ve tried.
He’s pretty much the nice guy every girl says they want to date, until he’s standing right in her face. This particular guy just doesn’t have that "it" factor; that thing that attracts me to him. I don’t feel the urge to talk to him or even go out of my way to even see him again. In fact, I kinda sorta wanna set him up with my Mommy… (Too bad she lives in another country!)
But seriously -- am I getting in my own way? I say I want a boyfriend, and he certainly seems to be "good boyfriend" material… Plus, this is a genuinely nice guy who reaches out to me every single day to see how I’m doing and when we can go out again. I keep putting him off because there was no spark so to speak, yet he keeps trying. (There’s that perseverance again!)
I guess what I’m asking you all is this: Even though I’m 99.9% sure I’m just not that into him, should I give it one last go? By refusing a 2nd date, am I potentially missing out on my first husband? (Even as a child, I’ve always wanted three. Feel free to shade me all the way the fuck down in the comments.)
Catch me over on Twitter: @IndiaJewelJax