The Great Online Dating Debate: I'm Still Chugging Along -- Barely

But I'm starting to get BORED.

Jan 15, 2013 at 10:00am | Leave a comment

It's been 5 months, and I can't say that I'm any closer to finding a boyfriend than I was when I first started. And that's incredibly depressing. However, there are a few things I have gotten out of this experiment: several (free) dates (I'm talking lovely dinners, drinks, movies, shows, coffees), 5 completely platonic friendships (that I regularly gab on the phone with, like a couple of schoolgirls) and an assload of self-awareness.

I've learned so much about myself and what I want out of my love life vs. what I need -- as it turns out, they're two totally different things. I'll share in more detail when I wrap this series up at the end of next month, but in the meantime:

1) I Fucking HATE One-Liners

I quit responding to messages solely comprised of the words "hey" and "sup" a long time ago. Now, I'm adding simple sentence structures to my "Go away, you bore the absolute shit out of me" list as well. I often find myself mindlessly corresponding with a bunch of asschimps in the following manner:

Him: Hey! How are you?

Me: I'm great, thanks for asking! How are you?

Him: Pretty good. What are you up to this weekend?

Me: The usual. Writing, running errands, Pilates, shopping, brunch with friends, etc. You?

Him: Not much. What are you up to this week?

Me: Working. The usual.

Him: That's cool.

I could give you more examples, but 1) I got super fucking bored typing that out, and 2) they all generally fit into that lame sort of pattern, so I usually end our correspondence right about that point. What's with the closed-ended questions + super-short responses? How are we supposed to figure out if there's somewhat of a love match here if most men think it's OK to lob the most basic questions my way? (I think I just answered my own question.)

Or, am I just a victim of what the New York Times recently dubbed the "FOMO" (fear of missing out) culture? Are they stringing me along in case nothing better comes their way? Or, do they genuinely have NO conversational skills whatsoever? Honestly, I can't decide which is worse.

2) So, there's this guy that I kinda like...

...but I really shouldn't. Here's the deal: He was one of the very first guys I went out with, and it was supposed to just be a quick cocktail at 7p.m. after work. That turned into more drinks + tapas + drinks + dinner + drinks = me getting back to my flat around 5 a.m.

That was back in September.

Since then, we've kept in contact via text message since I flit and fly between London and New York so much -- I'm hardly ever in town for us to have a proper 2nd date. We've had concrete follow-up plans twice, but both times he cancelled at pretty much the last minute.

Once an hour before (supposedly because he was too sleepy to be a good date), and on New Year's Eve 6 hours before (supposedly because he was still hungover from the night before). Lucky for me, someone else stepped in and we rung 2013 in together:

image

THIS is one beautiful, brilliant man.

But I digress.

I don't know how I feel about this, and him, consequently. I know what canceling dates at the last minute means: It means you got a better offer. And that's fine, I guess. That's what online dating is all about, right? Skewing the numbers in your favor so that you can meet as many people as possible. With that said, it's shitty to throw my plans off and inform me of it in the 11th hour.

BUT I LIKE HIM. He's my age (with a VP title and an absurdly bloated salary at a global digital media company), ridiculously cute, super funny, generous, normal, sane, owns his own flat, no ex-wives, no children, very stylish, straight and packing a roll of cookie dough in his pants (from what I could tell in those perfectly fitted jeans). Oh, and some of you will be happy to know that he's White. Blonde AND blue.

But none of that matters if what's on the inside is downright dickish. My time is valuable, so I haven't responded to his latest flurry of texts in which he is inquiring when we can try to schedule another date, as I'm not sure what I want to say. Should I be flattered that he's still trying to see me again after 5 months?

Side note: One of my good guy friends recently told me that I'm way too hard on myself and I don't give myself nearly enough credit in regards to how enthralling and captivating I am. (I've since added this to my list of "Issues to sit down and explore at a later date." That list? That bitch is LONG.)

But I digress again.

Part of me wants to yell Chew. This. Ass. and the other part wants to give it a shot. Best case scenario? We have an amazing wedding on a vineyard in South Africa and a 3-month long honeymoon in the Seychelles and Maldives and a healthy, brilliant, adorable curly-haired kid and a corgi. (Oh, and a happy, healthy marriage. Can't forget that part.)

Worst case? I have another fun, free evening out on the town.

Then again, absolute worst case? He stands me up/fucks me over a THIRD time.

PASS.

3) Men Definitely Should Go First

Remember when I said I'd start reaching out to men I found attractive first, instead of wishing and hoping and thinking and praying for them to message me? Yeah, I'm totally over that, simply because I'm starting to notice a pattern here. 8 out of 10 respond with equal interest, but after exchanging 5-to-7 lengthy messages -- complete and utter radio silence.

Is it because I initially denied him the chance to chase? Internally, I'm hella conflicted here. On one hand, I genuinely want to be approached and courted. Not because society says that men should approach women, but because in my experience, it never really works out the other way around. I can't think one single example where a "real" romantic relationship blossomed out of a woman approaching/reaching out to a man first.

On the other, I feel weird about waiting for that to happen. When I see something at Barneys that I want, I don't hesitate to pick it up, give it the once-over, glance at the price tag and hand the sales associate my credit card. Why should my approach to dating be any different? If I see what I want, why is it that I feel weird for initially inquiring about obtaining it?

Seriously -- how much of my life will be wasted waiting for him to "pick me, pick me?!" It's like fucking kickball all over again.

Catch this seemingly eternally single girl on Twitter: @IndiaJewelJax.