I like to keep busy. I also like to get my hands dirty in a little bit of everything. That usually means I end up burning the candle at both ends.
Between work, writing, a couple of volunteer gigs and a few other extracurricular activities, my weeks are pretty jam packed. But I like it that way. For the most part, I can manage to spend time with the people I care about and, because I'm on the go so much, I savor and appreciate my vacation time a lot more.
Everyone has their own shit going on and everyone is busy these days. I never thought my schedule would hinder my dating life, though; and recently, it kind of has.
I'll be the first to admit that this phenomena could be all my fault, but it's happening. I'm totally being called a bitch (in some form or another) because I'm busy.
Let me give you a few examples.
Exhibit A: College Flashback
I ran into a guy I made out with a couple of times in university while walking to get a $6.00 latte. We exchanged numbers and texted for a bit before he asked me to grab drinks. I always thought he was super cute and insanely funny in the dorkiest of ways, so we made plans to grab a drink one Saturday afternoon. We met around 2 pm, enjoyed a couple of way-too-bitter beers and chatted until about 5:30. Then I had to take off to make it to a friend's charity event.
I get a text that evening from College Flashback saying that it was lame of me to end our date early and that if I can't commit to a full date, I'm probably not ready to be back "in the game." His words, not mine.
First of all -- how long are normal dates?! I mean, we spent three and half hours together on a Saturday afternoon. Do I need to set aside 48 hours at a bed and breakfast to be considered a good date?
Exhibit B: Tinder Guy
After popping my Tinder date cherry, I had been seeing this dude for a couple of weeks and things were going great!
He didn't work a typical 9-5 job so his days were pretty unstructured -- which I envied sometimes. We’d often plan lunch and coffee dates if it was a particularly busy week. I was totally willing to carve out time for him (something I hadn't done since my ex), because I really did like him.
Then one day, sort of out of nowhere, he tells me I'm kind of being a bitch by “scheduling” him into my day. That he feels like one of my clients. And that sometimes my busy schedule makes him feel like a slacker.
I'll take the blame for 2 of those 3 things.
Exhibit C: Mom
OK, so my mom can't exactly dump me. She's stuck with me forever. However, she's been known to give me some tough love.
Sometimes, in between asking me if I have a new boyfriend yet or if I ever think about my not-even-close-to-happening wedding, she likes to wonder if I'm too busy with friends and work for a relationship.
I don't think a late meeting, weekend work event or a show with my girlfriends means I'm too busy for a relationship, but hell, I'm the single one and my mom's been married for 32 years so what do I know!?
Exhibit D: The Friend of a Friend
Other than Tinder, how else do 25 year olds who are finished with their post-secondary education meet people? (That's a serious question, I need help with this, email me your suggestions?)
Seriously though, you meet people through your friends. This can be awesome, but can also end horrendously if you’re not careful. Apparently I wasn't careful.
This guy I was very casually seeing who grew up with one of my good friends invited me to a party with him. I had a client dinner that ran late so I told him I'd meet him there. And I had full intentions to do so. Somewhere between re-applying my mascara and pulling on a pair of tights, I hit a wall of exhaustion that not even a truck full of Red Bull could cure. I sent a very apologetic text to Friend of a Friend explaining how wiped I was and asking if we could reschedule tomorrow if he wasn't too hung over.
I know being bailed on sucks, but I thought being bailed on when you're already at a party with your friends probably sucks a bit less. I guess I was wrong because he spoke to our mutual friend that evening about how I obviously wasn't into him and that he was just going to move on.
Like I said, I'm willing to take the blame here. Maybe I'm really not ready for a relationship or maybe I just need to meet someone I'm willing to drop everything else for so I can be with him. But is it wrong to not want to do that? Why can't I have my cake and eat it too?!
We've all been bailed on and we've all bailed on someone -- life happens, right? But how many cancellations and for what reasons, warrants being called a "bitch," or "not ready," or "unreliable?"
Are you ever considered the busy bitch?