I was a very young mom. A wee 19-year-old when I gave birth to my now 10-year-old-daughter. Her father skedaddled, and there I was alone, with a 6-week-old baby. You could imagine how difficult it was to meet someone my age.
Dude: You're cute, lets hang out after class.
Me: I can’t after school. How about Friday night? My mom will have the baby.
(Running and panting noises)
Me: Cooommme baaack! She’ll keep her until 10!
Not all single mothers had to navigate the dating world in their early twenties. But I was sitting at a café recently with a fellow single mom friend when she said that she was afraid that no man would want her because she is now a mom.
Shortly after, I was talking on the phone with a mom friend who was going through a divorce, and she was also worried that now that she has three kids, no one will want to date her.
This saddens my heart, because single mothers are awesome, powerhouses, forces of nature. Who else can stay up all night feeding a screaming human with food they made from their own body? Then turn around and do it again all morning, afternoon, late evening, night, early morning, morning with no breaks and all while working a full time job!
Now that we have children, we are wiser. We have seen things. And we can see through people. There are some major advantages to dating after you make little people.
Below are three main reasons why it’s better to date as a single mother.
1. THE WRONG ONES WILL RUN AWAY.
And thank the lord they do. Gone are the days of navigating 20 potential companions because half of them were bored when they signed up for JDate. First of all, you don’t have time for that nonsense. Men who don’t want to date a single mother are doing you a huge favor. You represent reality. Life’s real. Babies and stuff. Man-children will run because to them, you mean no more video games and bongs -– and this is good for you, because you already have one (or two or three) butts to wipe –- you don’t need two.
Real men will be honest with their intentions with you. They will say, “Hey I don’t want kids,” “Lets just have sex,” or, “I like you lets see where date two goes -– I will pay for the sitter.” The other kind of man will hightail it for someone who doesn’t challenge their fantasy world. Men who run are doing you a favor because they just saved you wasted time crying on the phone to your girlfriends wondering why he didn’t call for two days.
Because you are a single mother, you just saved yourself a whole ton of hassle and confusion.
2. YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO WASTE
It costs to date people now that you are single mother, in the range of $10 to $20 an hour. And you are not about to waste precious babysitter money on a dud. No more going out with that dude you met at the bar that was kinda nice, and you didn’t really have anything else to do on a Saturday night anyway, might as well let him buy you a drink at a bar 30 miles from your house. You are on a budget and you are on a time limit. Pick me up on time, take me somewhere close and make me laugh. That’s all I want. If you don’t, I would rather take myself out -– because I need more time with me anyway and that money I just spent on a babysitter could have gone to a massage! And I need one!
As a single mom, you can see straight through people. It doesn’t take you 10 dates to decide if you like him. It takes one -– maybe even a hello. Never again will you spend $100 on a bad night –- then turn around and get up at 6 am to take care of a cranky two-year-old. You have priorities. Children and you first, dating second/third. This makes dating way easier.
3. YOU ARE CLEARER WITH YOUR INTENTIONS
Sometimes you know a guy is not long-term relationship material, but you like him. He is fun to hang out with, and he gives you fun adult time when you need it -- totally cool. Enjoy. Now that you are a single mom, you know when there is potential for something serious and when you just want to have fun and relax.
We are not neccesarily looking for “the one.” They could be the one for now, the one for later, the one I enjoyed hanging out with last month. There is no pressure to get married and have kids. Because guess what, you already have kids and marriage sucked. You now can enjoy just enjoying. And If you actually seriously like someone, you know how to say, “Hey, I like you. Do you like me like I like you?” Because again, don’t waste my time if you don’t.
From what I hear, dating is difficult whether you have kids or not. But dating is also fun. It feels good. And as a single mom, you need that.
Single moms are incredible. Not just anyone can spend the entire night stripping the entire house due to a lice outbreak at the school and get up at 5 am to make lunches. Anyone would be lucky to capture your attention, even for just a moment.