Here's a place to talk about the relationships in your life whenever you want.
Being single is ridiculous.
Back in December, I had to see my ex-bf, K, because he’d left a few things at my house after he broke up with me and moved out in March. We’d emailed and texted sporadically during that time, always nice and kind warm things, but we hadn’t seen each other.
At the time, I was dating yet another wrong guy and working a seasonal retail job in a mall department store and was feeling very unhappy and ungrounded. So when K and I met up that day under the guise of returning a drill, I fell apart. I’d missed him terribly.
He walked in, and although he was sporting a very shaggy beard and he was in dire need of a haircut, he was still HIM and I loved him. He was also seeing someone, and he also knew it wasn’t long for this world, and so we decided that we should try spending time together again, to see if it was something that would work.
It had before, for 6 years-ish, so why wouldn’t it work again? Plenty of couples break up and get back together. Why not us?
First of all, he kept seeing the other girl person. They worked together, and breaking it off would make things uncomfortable. He wanted to be the nice guy and not have anyone mad at him.
K is all kinds of wonderful things, but he is also the Inertia King, and I knew this would drag out. I told him that I wouldn’t have sex with him until he broke up with her, because I’ve been the cheated-on one and I won’t do that to another female. Also, I wasn’t going to share his (truly magnificent) penis with anyone else.
So we’d go to a movie or hang out at my place and watch TV and maybe kiss a little, but there was no nudity whatsoever. January passed and he still hadn’t ended it. Then it was Valentine’s Day and ending it then would be “mean.” I finally put my foot down and told him I wouldn’t see him until he ended this other thing that he wasn’t even into in the least.
So he finally ended it. And we had the most amazing “reunited and it feels so good” night of make-up sex in the history of ever. We immediately fell back into our old patterns: He’d come over, we’d hang out and watch something, eat a food, then go to bed. The main differences in this new arrangement: He never stayed over more than one night, and he didn’t see my sons.
They knew I was seeing him but that we were keeping it casual. Neither one of them was in any great rush to get together with K; they’d been burned by his exit when he left without saying goodbye to them (yeah, that was really, really bad).
K brought over some clothes and a toothbrush for the sporadic sleepovers; between his work schedule and the nights my boys were with me, we could really only see each other once or twice a week. After a couple of overnights, with the same pattern each time, I began to realize that while I might love K, and he might love me, it wasn’t the same this go-round.
Even though the sex was still hot, the not-sex stuff was already getting stale. The things that made us incompatible were still there. We simply don’t have enough outside-the-house interests in common to sustain a relationship.
Plus, the nearly 10 months that we were apart changed us: He has his own apartment and a new social life, which he loves. I’d gotten used to being on my own and had my own social things that he wouldn’t be interested in. At this stage in my life, I think I might need a different kind of a relationship with a different guy.
So, we’ve decided that while we really love each other a lot, we’re not meant to be together as a couple. I adore him and always will: he gets me like no one else and he makes me laugh so much. I can’t imagine watching the new episodes of “Arrested Development” with anyone else. I can absolutely picture us chilling on my couch without it being weird at all. K will live in special compartment of my heart forever and ever, and I hope we’re friends until the day I die.
Which means, I’m single. For really reals. I’ve gotten my closure on K and now I’m facing a brave new world where there’s no lingering doubt hanging over me. I’m truly free and clear. And that’s great, because a thing happened, only I’m not sure if it’s still going on or if it’s already not a thing anymore.
Last month I went to NYC (where I got to meet Mandy and Emily YAY!). On the way back, when we landed and got to the gate, everybody stood for the Ridiculously Long Exit From the Plane. I turned my head to my right and sitting two rows behind me was this totally adorbs guy, who looked just like Matt Bellamy from Muse.
We locked eyes and all I was thinking was, “NOW is the first time I’m seeing you? NOW?”
God, he was cute.
At Baggage Claim he stood across the belt thing from where I was and he was HOLDING A BOOK. With pages. A real one. I’d been awake since 4:50 am New York time and felt all travel-unpretty, yet any time I managed to yank myself out of totally zoning, he was looking at me.
The belt cranked up and soon an acoustic guitar case made its way past me. I thought, If he picks up that guitar my vagina is going to explode. And of course, he picked up the guitar. Nothing exploded, but dear sweet travel gods, I was being tortured.
My suitcase finally showed up and I noticed him walking toward the exit. I won’t lie, I totally hustled so that I could get a little closer. He averted the huge revolving door and went to one that you actually have to manually push with your hands to open. As he did just that, he turned to hold it for whomever might be behind him, and that whomever was me. He smiled. I smiled and said thank you. He said “You’re welcome.” Then he went his way and I went to my shuttle fan because K was working and couldn’t pick me up.
That was that.
Except, it wasn’t, because I kept thinking about him for some reason. Maybe because I knew things with K weren’t going to work out and I was feeling like a single person. My brain kept replaying the staring-across-the-conveyor belt eye contact. Why hadn’t I seen him before the flight in San Francisco? Why hadn’t he been seated in my row? Why didn’t I say more than ‘thank you’? He wouldn’t go away.
So I did something I’ve never done before. I’ve done online dating and hope to never do it again, but this is not exactly that. I posted a Missed Connections thing on Craigslist.
This was posted on Tuesday, April 16th. I realize most people were paying attention to the Boston Marathon bombings, and rightly so. But at least I got it out of my head and I then basically forgot that I did it, because I had other things to do.
Wednesday night at about 10:30, I got an email entitled “CL Post” that read:
“…not the very cute (albeit short) alternamom?”
This perplexed me. First of all, I was traveling solo. Sans my kids. I wasn’t carrying a diaper bag or holding anything with whimsical childlike decorations on it. I was wearing a black peacoat, jeans, and boots. Second, this must mean I’m starting to look old, right? Because who uses that word to describe someone youthful and dewy? No one, that’s who.
I replied: “How did you know I was a mom? I mean, I am one, but what gave it away? I’ll cop to the being short, but cute is in the eye of the beholder.”
I am a moron.
He wrote back right away: “Not a bad thing! Just a guess! Coffee?? Do you have a boyfriend?”
Oh, here’s where I should have just written back “Yes to coffee and no to the other thing” but I can’t lie because I hadn’t really ended things with K yet and like I just said, I am a moron. So instead I wrote that I was seeing my ex a little but it wasn’t really happening, because otherwise I wouldn’t have written the message in the first place. I told him coffee was a go.
And then, nothing from him.
Either he went straight to bed after asking me about the coffee and the boyfriend, or my reply wasn’t exactly what he wanted, or someone walked into wherever he lives and murdered him. That was Wednesday.
I haven’t heard from him since. And I’m writing this on SUNDAY.
So I did another stupid girl thing and emailed him: “Hey, can we go back to that email where you asked me if I wanted to go for coffee and if I had a boyfriend? Because the answer to the second question is a clear and uncomplicated NO.” I added my phone number and hit Send and now it’s out there and I’m waiting to see if he replies.
Because, I am a moron.
I had to try. He was so fucking cute. And it’s such a great story thus far. He was looking on Craigslist for me! He found me! He wrote to me and replied! That means a little bit of a something, right? Idiocy is so embarrassing.
Let’s all channel our positive energy and thoughts to make Airport Guy (I know his name but I’m not going to publicly shame him like that) get in touch. I mean, it would be nice to find out why he went from Johnny-on-the-spot with the instant email replies to acting like I was hunting him down for unpaid child support.
Did his computer and phone die simultaneously? Is he at an ashram? Perhaps he’s been “swamped with work.” Or he has a girlfriend and is too chickenshit to reply. I realize this has been a shitty week with things blowing up and horrific government voting issues, which makes this the perfect diversion.
If this is the End Times, I should get to at least have coffee with a cute boy who reads and plays guitar, right? Plus it’s my birthday on Friday and I want nice things.
I promise I won’t email him again if I don’t hear back. I’m not THAT pathetic (I hope). He’s not the only possibility floating around out there, but the curiosity is large.