Hello xoJane.com readers. As most of you have heard by now, there is a new managing editor here … and it’s me. Since starting at xoJane in April, I have been called many things and referred to in various ways. Jane recently pointed out that some staffers here called me “mom.” Julie has called me “the abusive one” and tells me she hates my dog and Olivia calls me Coco.
Emily once mentioned that some of the commenters were going crazy like “When is Corynne going to write something?!!?!” So, here you go. I am writing something.
Let me start by talking about how awesome it is to work here. I love all our editors so much, that I actually make Emily tell me every day that she loves me back. One of things I love best about working at xoJane.com actually is the fact that when I tell my boss, Jane Pratt, that I “look like a bag of garbage today” she doesn’t even flinch.
“Don’t you love that we can wear whatever we want here?” was her response.
Yes. I do love that. Especially on days like today when I realize “Holy fuck, I am really overcommitted and I barely had time to brush my teeth this morning.” I really don’t like complaining about “all the things I have to do” because I know everyone has responsibilities and day-to-day life can be overwhelming. I am not special.
But commitments are different from responsibilities. And I guess the main reason I am really annoyed at myself is because when I look at the growing list of things I don’t have time for, I realize that nobody even asked me to do any of them. I am the only person to blame because I volunteered to keep filling my plate higher and higher with commitments.
It’s like I have a disease in which I just can’t stop offering to do things for people. “If you need help, just let me know!” should be tattooed on my forehead.
Case in point, in the midst of nearly having a mental breakdown over how I am going to make it back home in time to host a meeting for our Food Co-Op at our apartment, I just MADE ANOTHER COMMITMENT, telling Emily, “How about I write an article for you about being constantly over-committed?”
If commitment addiction is a thing, then I need to be in recovery ASAP.
I don’t have a problem saying “no” to people when I can’t do something. If you asked me to do you a favor, there is a very good chance I would refuse based on lack of time or desire to complete said favor.
Where the problem truly lies is in the fact that I offer to do things for people when I know full well that I don’t have the bandwidth to follow through. I can’t cancel or bail, because I am an over-acheiver, and yet I can’t stop adding things to the plate.
I don’t just want to be “mom,” but I do like being that person who is always going to be there to help. Most people wouldn’t call me overly “nice” but I bet they would say “Oh you need help? Call Corynne.”
Do you need me to plan your bridal shower? Babysit your kid? Organize your closet? Sure! Be right there!
Seriously, what is wrong with me? I have a full-time job, a dog, a husband, a family in Chicago, and, sometimes, friends. I don’t have time to do anything else.
I guess the truth is that I need help setting limits and accepting my imperfections (if not having 37 hours in a day can be considered an imperfection), and I honestly feel like xoJane.com is the place to learn how to do this.
Maybe you can help me out? Any advice for how to stop offering to do things for people and start embracing my inner “worst mom in the world?” I promise to not promise to do anything for you in return!