If I'm home, and there's no company, then I am most likely naked. It's one of the rights of living without rando roommates, and I exercise it frequently.
Last week, there was a bit of a hiccup in my nude house party routine. I was sweeping sans clothing when my live-in boyfriend (sweetly, gently) told me he would prefer it if I put on some clothes every now and then.
I was instantly reminded of that "Seinfeld" episode where Jerry dates a nudist and is grossed out by her tendency to romp around naked, assuming unflattering positions while vacuuming and opening pickle jars. According to IMDB, in this episode Jerry “learns the difference between good naked and bad naked.”
Bad naked?!? Me?! Ego aside, my boyfriend's request was alarming because of his wording: Sometimes, it's "sexier” when I ”leave a little to the imagination."
Really bro? My nudity has more to do with my comfort than appealing to your manbits. I enjoy being uninhibited and unrestricted. Also, we live in Hawaii, and it's warm here, so nudity is appropriate. My nudeness is about me, not about you, so get out of me about it. Out!
At least, that's the entitled rant I went on at first. MY body. MY naked me time.
But further probing revealed that yes, maybe I was also an itty bitty bit hurt that the sight of my nekked bod doesn't steam up his glasses all day, every day. Sure, I wasn't trying to be sexy, but that doesn't mean it doesn't pain me to find out I'm not!
And if watching my bare ass jiggle while I sponge papaya juice off the counter doesn't do it for him, then please someone tell me, what does?!?!
I understand where he's coming from. A nude body can be sexy or beautiful, but it can also be alarming, and yes, off-putting. (Have you ever watched an old man air his junk at a nude beach while eating a can of tuna fish with his fingers? Because I have.)
And of course, I realize that we both work from home, and seeing me naked all day every day might numb him to the times I am actually trying to be sexy –- like when I am strutting toward the bed singing that "Flight of the Conchords" song about it being business time.
As I normally try to do when a romantic dispute makes me bonkers, I switched the situation and took a look from the other side of things. If he was nude all the time, how would I feel? I love my guy. I think he's seriously hot. His balls are awesome. I probably don't want them face level while he screws in a lightbulb.
And so we meet again, Double Standards. Dammit.
At least I would never practice my hula hoop skillz nude.
This situation gives me Hurt Feelings and also enrages the part of me that only cares about one person. (Me.) Maybe my nudity is about my comfort, but at the same time, it's making him uncomfortable, and this is his home too.
I get what he is saying... but I still want to be naked!
Should I surrender and start throwing on shorts and a sports bra while writing/peeling bananas/organizing the linen closet? I don't know! I am conflicted. Can we compromise, like I'll wear undies but still fly my nip flags high?
How much naked is too much naked? Are you a perma-streaker? Does your partner love it? Tell me what you think!