Read This Now! The Planetary Alignment Age of Aquarius Stuff Is Literally Happening In Minutes, You Guys

I vacillate between being very scientific double-blind-placebo-controlled cynical and super New Age-y open to psychics and other crap woo-woo. It's a good balance.

Dec 21, 2012 at 11:00am | Leave a comment

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Tee-hee.

If the world were ending today I would totally be snorting mounds of coke, fucking some hot Cuban-Puerto-Rican-Norwegian slab of sex who could throw me around on top of a pile of cash while I licked Bavarian chocolate cake off his fingers slowly and meaningfully.

Oh wait, I'm supposed to be a changed woman. I mean, I would take my beloved dog out for a walk, and I would pray for world peace.

But, it's not ending, dude. There is, however, some really cool planetary shit happening. Like now. Like momentarily. Read this quickly.

I talked to an in-the-know psychic Wiccan badass friend of mine, and she told me how essentially today was going to lead to some great spiritual englightenment and suddenly we would all be flooded with an elevated sense of consciousness of what we had done wrong, what we wanted to do and empowerment and insight and harmony.

That's why she said the Mayans built the pyramids they built. To "capture" the powerful planetary energy generated from today so that the confluence of energetic enlightenment isn't lost and forgotten and thrown by the wayside after the planets shift again, but rather preserved and expanded upon.

I don't know about that, but I do like the idea of evolutionary jumps and increasing enlightenment that could be occurring right now. That makes logical evolutionary sense to me. A neuroscience teacher of mine once told me that there is a working theory that the predominance of ADD currently happening in culture is the brain's evolutionary response to increased multitasking. Never been able to get that theory out of my head. So, like, in that great albeit unrealistic movie "Looper," certain people develop extra-sensory capabiities. Intuition and psychic abilities, etc. Our sixth sense gets developed, in other words.

Who knows. I feel like I see evidence of God and enlightenment and expanded consciousness and abilities all the time. The synchronicity and coincidences and miracles that befall my life so far have often felt so acute and so intense (not to mention the fact that there is no reason I should even exist, but somehow, against all medical odds my father managed to survive a brutal military attack that none of the other marines in his squad did, then he met my mom, and then she ditched her fiancee, despite her parents' objection, to be with this weird blind guy). I don't take God or spirituality lightly, even though I always end up dating atheist Jews. They love me, I tell you. Them, and lawyers. These are my people. God knows why.

Regarding atheists, I should say that I absolutely respect their intelligence, argument and vantage point -- and I do think there is a strong case to made that organized religion has done way more harm than good. For the most part, I'm not a fan of organized religion.

My take on spirituality is this. I look at God as goodness. And I look at certain entities or people or mahatmas or avatars as being closer to divine consciousness and enlightenment than others. This is how I feel about my guru, Amma, who since first meeting her in 2007 (which again, was a confluence of fascinating factors), my life has been a rapidly changing, intensely positive course. I still hold Amma responsible for getting me this xoJane job. Why? Because, I was living in San Diego, playing out my hand to see where my real, non-hopped-up-via-a-splashy-tabloid-job talent might lie in the future of my writing and career, and gravitating away from transactional-type quid-pro-quo media-backscratching and instead really trying to develop more of a soulful life. Trying to think about how I could support the greater good.

I had just gone on retreat with Amma in LA, where I cried and thrashed and prayed and came to astounding new levels of acceptance and inner peace, which I will write about some other time, as it's too long to get into here, and I thought to myself: I'd like to let some powerful media people I know in on Amma.

Celebs come and see her quite frequently. I've seen Marisa Tomei, Sharon Stone, Russell Brand, Ed Norton, and countless others. Because I am friends with her swami via the lovely and powerful and brilliant Kelly Cutrone, I thought to myself: I'm going to email some powerful entertainment industry folks to give them the swami's direct cell phone to surpass the 5-hour-long of people waiting to receive an embrace from this leader when she comes to New York. I emailed several people, and one of those emails I sent was to: Jane Pratt and copying Arianna Huffington and Courtney Love. Didn't ask for anything, didn't say I wanted anything, just that, from a media standpoint, coverage of Amma's momentous visits have been on the cover of The New York Times, and this is the direct line if it interested any of them.

I still think that's what put a bug in Jane's ear after having first talked to her about working for xoJane a year earlier. I think when they were looking at possible editorial combinations, this email, out of nowhere, might have put me again on the map. This is how to do it in jobs, I think. Don't be constantly asking for things. Be constantly demonstrating your own value. So, thanks, Amma.

[I distinctly remember that email and how bummed I was to have missed the opportunity to hug Amma.  I don't think it had anything to do with the job, because you had been at the top of my list since we launched, but you never know. ]

Anyway, here's the rundown of the planetary alignment happening today -- at the same time as the end of the Mayan calendar.

The Guardian Express explains a lot of the details of the planetary alignment best, so I'm going to summarize them for you here.

"...finally Mars will arise at 8:24 AM [PST, or 11:24 AM, EST], with the sun aligned almost directly in between Venus and Mars.

"And finally the moment we’ve all been waiting for, at 10:05 AM [PST, or 1:05 AM EST], the sun will be in the exact center of our Milky Way galaxy, what is referred to as the Galactic equator. As the planets make their heavenly ascension across the sky, at roughly 5:44 PM [PST, or 8:33 PM EST] the sun will set, and then at 7:37 PM [PST, or 10:37 EST], Mars will become visible against the night sky while it sinks below the horizon marking the end of the planetary journey across our planet on this fantastic day. I should think the site of Mars setting over the Pacific Ocean will be the most beautiful picture ever taken, bar none.

"So there you have it my friends, the planetary alignment, and the end of the Mayan Long Count calendar will be gone, the new age of man will officially be on us, referred to as the age of Aquarius, and just as all the science geeks that NASA had said previously, the world will not end on December 21, 2012."

What does this mean? If you ask anyone who is into this kind of thing, it means that we are entering into a wonderful new age. As one astrologist explains:

"This...marks the entrance into a brighter Age, bringing positive expectations for more personal as well as global harmony. This is also happening during an eon or zodiac age shift, known as the precession of the equinoxes, from the Age of Pisces to the Age of Aquarius, where simply believing becomes actually knowing, so expect science to bring interesting evidence to support our more spiritual experiences."

Well, okay, that sounds a little "The Secret" cray-cray jacked, but as with everything, I try to take what I like, and leave the rest. Meaning, if there's anything that I've learned in this time on the planet (!!!) it's that things are never, ever black and white. The cray-cray often has some truth-truth in there, and the science-science can have some junk-junk in it. An open mind has led me to the best places in my life again and again. I'll have to tell you sometime about the perfect symbiosis I've found through complementing Western medicine with Eastern herbal medicine sometime. Yeah, I'll have to do that.

So, what is your sign? Do you feel the enlightenment happening to you today? I kind of do. I feel more energy, more sparkle, more excitement. It might just be the dog. Or it could be...something else.

Honestly, are you having realizations and insights you've never had before because of a raised planetary consciousness?

Hey baby, what's your sign? I'm a Scorpio. Buy me a drink?

Oh, and what would you do if today were the end of the world?

And since it's not, what rad spiritual hooky stuff are you doing to prepare for "the shift"? Meditation on loving-kindness, anyone? A little sage burning, perhaps?