I know that tantrums are annoying. I live with a toddler, I bear witness to anywhere from three to roughly five hundred tantrums a day. It doesn’t get easier. The screaming doesn’t become any more pleasant. It’s brutal. It’s also completely normal toddler behavior.
unpopular opinion
I enjoy living in the Now, but if someone had given me a tattoo gun when I was five, every inch of my being would be swagged out in Lisa Frank.

Feb 26, 2014 at 3:00pm | 1239 comments

I get bothered when "animal rights activists" also eat meat. And people who won’t eat veal. If you eat chicken, eat the shit out of veal, too, and enjoy it.
unpopular opinion
Fewer women are taking their husbands’ names in marriage, but the real question is, if we’re “embracing feminism” so much, why marry at all?
new york
The sad thing is that a large portion of those coming to New York think they’re doing so in the name of authenticity. People who want to be artists and intellectuals come to New York and move to areas like Bushwick, thinking that they are getting the New York experience.
With a shelter animal being killed every 11 seconds in the U.S. alone, buying a dog just doesn’t make sense to me anymore, and if it makes sense to you, you need to read this.
It’s about common decency, which I think -- in the most Larry David-ish way possible -- does not receive enough thought and attention in our supposedly civilized world.
unpopular opinion
There aren’t a lot of female superheroes or fantasy superstars that are remotely interesting or relatable to me. The vast majority of these characters are thin, hyper-sexual, and drawn to suit the male gaze.
unpopular opinion
Peering into the grocery carts of the women that surround me I wonder, how lazy or busy does one have to be to not be able to cook your own oatmeal without the help of a microwave?
unpopular opinion
Sure, ride your bicycle, dude -- just please stop talking to me about it.
Apparently I hadn’t gotten the memo about it being mandatory for all women of the African Diaspora to be eternal fans of Beyoncé Knowles.
unpopular opinion
Kids aren’t going to be traumatized by a stranger politely telling them not to do something that could potentially harm them, or is just a social norm.
unpopular opinion
Straight people don’t come to gay bars because they want to hate on gay people. They come because as the empowered majority, they feel entitled to access every space in the world.
unpopular opinion
I wonder why skinny girls stuff their faces at Chipotle and still get to be skinny (yes, “get to be,” because skinny equals privilege in our world) and I count my 1,500 cals every day while being denied that privilege that the weight loss industry says should come from doing so.
unpopular opinion
It's not that I don't love animals -- I do. I just think the resources spent on animals that will never be adopted could be better used elsewhere.
Enjoying flavored vodka doesn't make you a wuss, and preferring scotch doesn't make you admirable. Get over yourself.
I wish more kids would leave the most oppressive setting they’ll likely face in their lifetime, and realize that life really starts after high school.
unpopular opinion
Here’s the thing about comedy; It’s just trying too hard. Instead of making me laugh, it makes me uncomfortable. I feel sorry for the people who are working so hard to get a positive response from me the audience. I’m embarrassed for them.
unpopular opinion
unpopular opinion
I used to see motherhood as a beautiful, selfless thing. But as I continued to work with mothers, to talk with them, I realized that moms are actually the most selfish people in the universe.
unpopular opinion
I had four years to pursue all of these amazing and available men who were right in front of me, and I blew my chance. I wasn’t thinking about who would make a great husband one day.
day jobs
I may owe you respect, encouragement, the opportunity to develop new skills, the willingness to sell my car to make payroll -- but I don’t owe you a fun time at work.