It gets better. Ask Jane, Emily, Corynne, s.e., Olivia, Daisy, Julieanne, Marianne, Kathleen, Somer or so many of the other people out there on the Internet who may not know you -- but who (like me, and everyone who works at xoJane) love you. A lot.
In the wake of any suicide, but especially a very public and prominent one, there is a rush to attribute reasons, and there is a collective sense of panicked guilt as people struggle to understand what happened and why.
I hadn’t remembered writing a suicide note -- I didn’t remember very much of the 24 hours surrounding the overdose. My handwriting made me cry, it was clear I had written it just before I lost consciousness, it was jagged and pained, on the back of the envelope of a bill I hadn’t paid