She was precocious, sassy, funny. Now, seven years later, she was calling me from jail.

Jun 10, 2014 at 9:00am | 341 comments

you are the advice columnist
weight loss surgery
I did my best to practice self-love, but the moment she told us she was having the operation, I was gripped with the fear that she would weigh less than me.
A few months after my sister's suicide, I was planning to return home to NYC when my boyfriend called to tell me he was “sorry, but he couldn’t deal with my grief anymore.”
Not since the devastating day we lost Céline have I received such a frantic series of calls. What could have happened now, I think to myself. She’s already gone.
Wait, when she was my age, she was already engaged and had a down payment on her venue? I can barely remember to pack myself a sandwich for work.
My sister and I did not talk for months. And then we did. What happened in between taught me how to deal with grief.
I love her so much I could squeeze her and squeeze her until she exploded into a billion shimmering bits and I’m terrified of losing her forever, because all my sister wants to do is join the Marine Corps.

Dec 13, 2013 at 2:00pm | 172 comments

I am having a hard time seeing how this was my fault and not hers in the first place.
how not to be a dick
On January 7th, a little over six months ago, my older sister Tamar died of injuries she sustained in a bus crash a few days earlier. She was 20.
Growing up as an only child, there was absolutely nothing I wanted more than that warm, cozy relationship my friends with sisters seemed to have. It wasn't until I was older that I realized it was mainly a fantasy.
She is absent in my waking life, and only appears at night while I sleep. She appears while I am sitting in my old family home, everything as it was when we were children apart from we are adults now.
There’s also something daring about setting off to a new island or city and experiencing it with this safe circle of people who you trust with everything.

Oct 29, 2012 at 10:30am | 7 comments

My sister decided to kill herself in Spanish class. The decision was detached and absolute, like it got wired in from Moscow to a remote Soviet outpost.
I commented on her Facebook post supporting Chick-Fil-A’s stance against gay marriage. She said she would pray for me and that she still loves me, and that was the end of it.
family drama
I tried to love my sister, the same way I would have loved a handicapped child or one with Down’s Syndrome. But instead of missing a limb or a chromosome, Ellen lacked warm and fuzzy feelings as well as a conscience.
bad girls
Being the "easier child" means feeling inordinate amounts of guilt for the normal mistakes and hiccups of growing up.
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Take my quiz to find out if you're a Sybil, a Mary or an Edith!
birth order
I can't help but think of Scarlett O'Hara's sister Suellen, without the whole husband-stealing part. “AND I’LL BE AN OLD MAIDDDDD!”
What's with the compulsion to make sisters into Spice Girls?
Sometimes I want to throw them in a cage and just let them go at it until one of them emerges, victorious.

Nov 1, 2011 at 11:00am | 0 comments