I literally spent ALL DAY assembling this list for you so YOU HAD BETTER APPRECIATE IT.
fatshion
style
There is nothing I love more than dressing the exact opposite of what the seasons and the fashion mags decree.
shoppables
Is your swimsuit constantly riding up your va-junga and showing the world your ta-tas? MINE, TOO! Put on an extended length swimsuit and GET OVER IT ALREADY.
fashion
Everything in my closet suddenly seems so cheap, tacky, and not me. Everything is too tight, too short, and made of terrible crappy fabric.
hair
They're cute, I guess. But they're so much wooorrrkkkk...
fun
26 girls, a shit-ton of booze and late nights. HOLD ME.
manicures
Because I'll be damned if the French are going to have a nail polish look that I can't dupe at home.
shoppables
Vagina-heavy television, bright eye shadow for the inept, subscription box obsessions and jewelry made from vintage wax seals. ALL SO PRETTY.
fatkinis
There's a high-waisted galaxy-print bikini, for one. Also Gabi is very pretty, but that is nothing new.
cute nails
Make your pedicure look like something a unicorn vomited on. You know, in a good way.
nails
Seriously, I'm just showing you nail polish colors.
shoppables
I mean, I’m a pretty big redneck from Texas, and even I am a little surprised.
makeup
In which I lead my first tutorial -- and you can finally hear my weird, hybrid accent.
concealer
Including the best concealer to hide insecurities!
cute nails
I don't know what I'm more excited about -- ditching my foundation for spring, or cramming more of these cookies into my pie-hole later.
shoppables
There are parts of my bod now that have to be thrust into the sunlight after many months of hibernation. This calls for a beauty overhaul.
shoppables
Today, I’m teasing, tantalziing, and enticing with five upcoming releases that I’m excited about -- and I think you will be too.
shoppables
There are only two scents on Earth that I’m actively addicted to: laundry detergent and rose.
fatshion
FINALLY THIS IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION IS ANSWERED. BY ME.
makeup
It's hard to be optimistic this week, so let's get shallow and bright and happy with Sanrio pinks.
eyebrows
You know what I am into? Being as attractive as possible to as many people as possible, all of the time. That’s my game.
skin
Brought to you by the cheapest beauty broad NOT in the beauty biz.
