I stayed up the rest of the night, frantically cleaning and scrubbing in hopes to cleanse the sheets, his mattress, and my soul of this horrible experience.

Sep 19, 2014 at 10:00am | 135 comments

It seems when you’re in the midst of that “Everything is perfect, I’m perfect, you’re perfect” stage of a relationship, nobody poops.
It's unladylike for women to fart in public, and I'm not anti-feminist because I think so.
I typed the obligatory "Why do you have to poop so much after you run?" search into Google and more than three million results popped up.
Why do all these baby-related things inevitably involve poop and other bodily functions? Because babies are disgusting.
how not to be a dick
I don't have a ton of control over what my body does, but you have 100% control over being a shitty, judgmental human being.
in a relationship
If they can't handle a bit of bathroom humor, then we probably aren't a good match anyway. I'm pretty disgusting.
first period
Do you remember Kotex Personals Protective Panties? If you don't, that's okay, because I'm pretty sure that my mom was the only person who bought them.
The coolest, most confident women I know, the ones who get up in arms about slutty Halloween costumes and binders full of women, very often don’t even feel comfortable enough to poop at work.
I feel like she must know she smells, because she also wears a ton of perfume. It doesn’t mask her poop smell at all, it just mixes with the poop smell to create a disgusting poopourri smell that literally makes me feel ill.

Sep 19, 2012 at 1:30pm | 307 comments

The joy and the wonder of having new life growing inside of you, the fierce bond you develop with your fetus and the supposedly hot fetish sex. I pretty much hated every moment of it.
bathroom talk
household drama
Really, what good is the Internet if you can’t tell people that sewage is bubbling up into your shower?
The plastic bag poking out of my pocket is just for show, okay! I'm way too lazy to scoop poop.

Dec 16, 2011 at 11:00am | 0 comments