I'm four and a half months pregnant, and I've begun to revisit everything I experienced as a child with the perspective of a clueless parent-to-be.
scary kid movies
unpopular opinion
I used to see motherhood as a beautiful, selfless thing. But as I continued to work with mothers, to talk with them, I realized that moms are actually the most selfish people in the universe.
homeschooling
Sometimes I want to run out of my house and yell out to every parent that sends their kids to school to “STOP! STOP RIGHT NOW! YOU’RE MESSING IT ALL UP.”
ihtm contest
When I wiped, I saw a single white worm on the toilet paper. Like any sane person would do, I freaked out, sobbing hysterically at 5 am.
babies
Of the many terrifying responsibilities of parenthood, I consider teaching my son how to eat properly one of the most important.
childfree
If everyone could just mind their own damned business when it came to who has kids and who doesn’t, we’d all be happier people. Trust me on this one, people.
kids
I mean it’s one thing to imagine someone harboring ill sentiments towards your child. But to actually hear those thoughts expressed with such clarity and vehemence?
parenting
I would know, since I'm definitely not my mother's.
decorum
Babies in general require a lot of scooping and bending and I frankly don't dress appropriately for that kind of movement.
moms
Ask me how many movies I've seen since my kid was born.
cats
You have your baby, and I have mine.
twilight
The minute we got a good look at him we knew that Jasper would be perfect. AND THEN.
what the parenting books don't tell you
When my son was a baby, I often imagined what my life would be like if I had NOT had a child -- and yes, sometimes I wished that I hadn’t.
kids
Those quiet three-year-old girls playing nicely with their blocks? They're going to be horrible to their moms in about 10 years.
underwear
Brightly colored panties from Victoria’s Secret probably aren’t going to harm a little girl, but being shamed for wanting them most likely will.
parenting
Going to bed that night, I decided I wanted to make certain that my daughter knew that no matter what happened between us -- no matter what she said -- that our relationship could not be so easily shattered.
children
Having a week where I don’t have to put anyone to bed, or be the disciplinarian, or wait until after 9:00 p.m. to watch my recorded HBO shows is THE BEST.
kids
My house is not dry by any means. But how the hell would I deal with a sick kid in the middle of the night if I'm plastered?
illeism
We are all super annoying to each other, now that we always know what everyone else is doing and thinking, at all times.
politics
You know that expression: when you find you're standing in a hole, it's a good idea to stop digging? This is pertinent advice for the National Rifle Association at the moment.
aging
I let my 7-year-old choose my hair color. He chose turquoise.
happiness
Probably the number one misconception I had before becoming a parent was that it was going to be completely horrible.
