When I'm drunk, I'm on vacation from being a mom. My shift has ended, and I am now like a tax-write-off dependent and my friends are my guardians.
motherhood
babies
A friend of mine recently received an anonymous email telling her to "cool it" with the baby pics on Facebook. Who does that?!
moms
Ask me how many movies I've seen since my kid was born.
babies
I'm embarrassed to admit to you and to anybody that I'm not sure how I feel about babies at a time when it's maybe most important for me to know.
mother's day
Who are these demure souls wielding garden gnomes and keepsake boxes while raising America’s youth?
Erratic Gifting For Eccentric Mothers: A List Of Possible Presents For Moms Who Don't Fit The Cliché
moms
People ask me how I’m doing, and when I say, “I’m fine,” they nod, assuming I’m holding something back for their benefit. But I’m not. I am fine. I am good. I am all right.
mother's day
I recognize that it’s ridiculous of me to demand that something be planned in my honor, while at the same time insisting that I shouldn’t be the one to plan it.
Somer Sherwood in
Family Drama,
mother's day,
moms,
kids,
co-parents who can't be bothered to plan a simple brunch,
martyrs
May 8, 2013 at 1:00pm | 128 comments
moms
This one survey says yes.
family drama
It started small. Forgetting words, getting turned around when driving, repeating stories. Initially, it seemed like stress -- and my mom was very good at playing it off.
domestic abuse
Once, my mom spotted a bruised woman with three children holding a cardboard sign in the Wal-Mart parking lot. It was pouring down rain. I was seven. “Stay in the car,” she said, locking me in.
family drama
My momentary shock upon finding out that my room was a camper trailer in the backyard, quickly turned into relief that I would be occupying a completely different living space than the stains and the cocaine.
mother's day
I called my mom to read this before we published it, and she said, "Are you sure the story isn't called 'How Not To Be a Dick to Your Mom?'" God, I love her.
welfare
It did take a long time to finally start earning a living wage. Much longer than I had anticipated. Moving from welfare to work didn’t happen overnight. It took years.
body
As long as I can remember, "leg stuff" as been a topic of conversation and controversy with my mom and me.
alzheimer's
Am I ready for kids? Hell no. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking that I need to make it all happen now, this year, so she can be a part of it.
kids
Seth even makes playdates with the other moms -- something I am really, really bad at doing because I’m sort of socially awkward and assume that no one wants to hang out with me.
body
Tina Fey recently said that she won't talk crap about her own body in front of her daughters because she doesn't want to set a bad example. I wonder if my mom did the same thing, but now that I've grown up, she no longer has to maintain the illusion.
moms
Suddenly, at 20 years old, I was the head of the family, and I had to take care of my sisters, who were 15 and 16, on my own.
mental illness
When a story about family violence makes the news, I’m really not interested in how the victim could have behaved better. Maybe because I used to have a spouse with a mental illness who I feared would kill me.
moms
My mother has had a passion for nutrition for as far back as I can remember. We didn't eat white bread. My brother and I weren't allowed to eat cereal for breakfast if one of the first three ingredients was sugar, which naturally eliminated everything our friends were munching on.
parenting
I have no idea what I'm doing, and neither did my mom. Such is the nature of the job.
television
Also I've looked into buying a bird feeder. I'm just saying.
