race
And no you cannot post “How not to be a Dick to your White Friend,” cause Nobody FUCKING CARES.
how not to be a dick
Please do not say you’re ready to order when you’re not and then say, “Hey, just tell me what’s YOUR favorite thing on the menu.” The truth is, I’m a gluten-free vegetarian who doesn’t drink. I have no idea.
parenting
I feel pretty secure in the knowledge that not wanting my own children is not the same thing as being a heartless, selfish, baby-hating bon vivant.
how not to be a dick
Here's a tip. If the job "really isn't that much," then why don't you just do it yourself?
how not to be a dick
Come on, it wouldn't be xoJane if someone didn't write this one up.
atheism
Please don’t console me with sayings like “God has a plan for you” or “They went to be with Jesus” when something bad happens.
movies
I don’t know why, but something about bad behavior in a movie theater turns me into Michael Douglas in “Falling Down.”
how not to be a dick
I have a small waist because I am genetically disposed to have one. So please don’t assume that I woke up one day and decided that fat people are disgusting and then starved myself to not be one.
how not to be a dick
Just because I am Jewish does not mean I have this insane craving for bagels all the time. It’s not like I am a bagel-vampire and to live I must have blood-enhanced bagels or I will start killing townspeople.
shopping
After many years as a seasonal employee, I've developed a keen sense of what actually constitutes good manners while shopping. You probably don't have them. You're rude and annoying and you probably don’t even know it.
how not to be a dick
Guess what? I don't want to be younger. Surprise!
how not to be a dick
For an introvert, the only thing worse than the anxiety of dealing with people when we don't want to is the anxiety of wondering if our friends are going to get all butthurt about it.
starbucks
how not to be a dick
Usually people, especially adults, have tact when they don’t like something you like, but with Hanson, some kind of neon sign must appear over my head, flashing “YOU’RE ALLOWED TO BE A DICK BECAUSE LOLZ, HANSON. THAT’S NOT A REAL BAND.”
how not to be a dick
“Why are you so bad at math? You’re Asian.”
pets
My dad is fond of saying “Not all pet owners are crazy, but all crazy people have pets.” Truer words never spoken.
how not to be a dick
While the vast majority of my friends and family were incredibly understanding when I came out as polyamorous, some had questions and criticisms.
how not to be a dick
“It speaks! It’s ALIVE!” The man roared with laughter at his own joke. My friends chuckled. I sat in the back seat, swallowing down tears. If you’re not shy you might not understand how shattering a single comment can be.
how not to be a dick
From thrift stores to luxury boutiques, each place I worked was different in their own way. What wasn't different? Customer dickery.
how not to be a dick
Do not shame me or tell me to stop complaining because I am lucky/endowed/gifted/anything along those lines. I get it.
short
Sometimes it’s hard to be taken seriously when you’re a child-sized adult.
in

Mar 29, 2013 at 3:00pm | 316 comments

how not to be a dick