If you were to saw off the top of my head, blow off the dust, sop up the blood and gore and somehow stop me from screaming, you’d find a young girl waving up at you with messy hair and chapped lips, just desperate to be liked.
I began the cycle again in September. I felt fat and ugly and then I wrote about feeling fat and ugly and then people on the Internet were like, it’s true, you are fat and ugly, so I decided to go on a diet. Then at the last minute, I opted out.
There is a person on this planet who captivates me. Probably this is largely in part because I’m acknowledging that there’s a world again, because I am outside of myself again, because I am taking risks, and smiling at strangers and being honest for once.
I was on the swim team in middle school. I conquered my car sickness reading books like Karleen Koen's Through a Glass Darkly on the half hour drive from the east side of Providence, where I lived, to practice in Barrington. That was about all I accomplished.