Ugh, I'm still mad about this Onion article from a few weeks ago.

Apr 14, 2014 at 2:00pm | 141 comments

I've written about my longstanding love of nicotine before. Well, here's my healthy-ass update.
candy crush
“Mommy, can I have some milk?” “Wait a minute, baby, just let me finish this game.”
I’m in denial that I have a gambling problem since I’m not feeding dollars or quarters into a machine in Las Vegas. Instead I’m seated at my dining-room table playing a free slot machine on Facebook.
Did you post a picture of you having the best time ever online? Yeah, that's a gloatgram.
philip seymour hoffman
A lot of people are talking about what could have been done to "help" Phil. I want to talk about how he helped everyone he ever met.
For my friends, methamphetamine is a plot device, a prop in a show. For me it has been the very real possibility that my brother would burn our house down while we slept.
Methadone is supposed to be a fix, a treatment, a way out. It ended up causing more problems than even my worst days of heroin.
the frisky
I just might have a problem, and in the spirit of spilling the dirt and getting it off my chest, I suppose I should share my shopping truths with you.
sex addiction
Why people are so threatened by the notion of sex addiction that they have to make a joke of it is a question worth asking

Aug 14, 2013 at 9:00am | 76 comments

Why is it that we almost seem to worship addiction among one class of people while regarding other addicts as among the lowest of the low?
Henry and I became fast friends our first year of college in Japanese class. He was more skilled in the language than I was and I got off on male attention, so we instantly clicked.
quitting smoking
It feels like I just broke up with an abusive boyfriend after a four-year relationship and now must move on, minus the awesome break-up sex.
possible shopping addiction
About 80% of the breakups I’ve initiated were related to how this relationship really gets in the way of my exercise schedule.
compulsive shopping
At one point, I even considered becoming an escort to make extra money to fund my addiction. Ultimately, I just couldn’t imagine busting it wide for a pair of Prada wingtips.
I love my birthday because it combines two of my greatest pleasures in life -- dessert and attention.
lindsay lohan
ihtm contest
I guess I thought that a porn addict would be into sex. Little did I know that it is often impossible for porn addicts to achieve orgasm during real-life sex.