For those of you already running to the comments to be like "Get a gel manicure silly!" I say, "BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT AND THERE IS NO AGONY SO EXQUISITE AS WHEN THAT MANICURE GROWS OUT AND YOU START CATCHING YOUR PUBES IN IT!"
I love poor, much-maligned false nails. Just like I love unflattering shades of lipstick, going braless, and talking loudly about bikini waxes in the workplace. Because I like attention, and I like to be a bit tasteless. What? It’s funny. Lighten up.