florida
F#%k snow. I’ll prop up my iPad and put on an animated snowy screensaver, and that will do fine.
rape
When I was raped by a member of a popular fraternity 14 years ago, the sorority sisters I told were upset with me for reporting it because they were concerned about the potential backlash. Imagine if he'd been on the football team.
zombie apocalypse
As it turns out, this amendment is less about actual zombies and more about people wandering around with concealed firearms during hurricanes.
attractions
Sure, I could just find a hiking trail somewhere. But there aren't any dinosaurs on the hiking trails around here. Just saying.