The Guaranteed Most Glowing Skin Of Your Life for about 39 cents

Pick your target dates when you want to glowglowglow (like a bride or like someone who just had 26 orgasms or has lived in a hermetically sealed chamber of health and never encountered a toxin). The glowing will last for about 3 days.

Jul 19, 2012 at 2:10pm | Leave a comment

image

Before and After Glow

When I had just started hosting my Very Bad TV Talk Show, I went into the Sassy offices before taping one day and Christina mentioned that my skin looked "expensive." Later when we worked together again at Jane magazine, we used the line, "Get Expensive-Looking Skin For Whatever-small-amount-of-money," on the cover.

Last week I taped this interview for MTV and of course wore the dress you told me to wear every time I go on TV for the rest of my life. (Thank you! It is such a joy not to have to decide.) (Oh, one more question: Do I have to wash it? I haven't yet, maybe 20 interviews later. It is a dry-clean item and I don't want to be without it if a TV thing comes up. I feel it may be OK because you can't smell me through the TV  -- "yet," says Emily. On the other hand, I'm a hugger of interviewers, and FedEx guys and everyone else on the planet.)

I will let you know when the MTV thing is airing and all that. 

The point I am slowly getting to is that some of you commented that I was glowing en route to tape the thing. Though it would be nice to just have a natural glow, and though that may in fact exist somewhere on the planet, mine is not that. I did once try to convince a guy I had a crush on -- the fashion designer, the same one who was cheating with me and on me at the same time and boy, what a mess -- that my glow was a sign that we were meant to be together. It was kind of a convoluted argument, but the truth was, I had utilized this trick that I am about to impart.

Here is how I get my skin to glow, something I discovered by accident at 19 when I was staying at my grandparents' house and took my grandpa's vitamins for a few days (there might be some longevity secret in this too, as he lived to 96 and my grandma is still going super strong at 105):

The Protocol

Pick your target dates when you want to glowglowglow (like a bride or like someone who just had 26 orgasms or has lived in a hermetically sealed chamber of health and never encountered a toxin). The glowing will last for about 3 days.

Count backward 5 days from when you want the glowing to commence.

Day 1 (5 days pre-glow): Take one 50 mg. zinc tablet once a day with a meal, preferably breakfast or lunch. The brand doesn't matter -- generic is fine. (That's the mathematically genius way I came up with the 39 cents in the title -- I pay about $3.99 for 50 tablets.) I recommend tablets over capsules because you can split them, especially if you find your skin responds to smaller dosages. Just go for the regular zinc, not the chelated or the gluconate.

Day 2: Take one 50 mg. zinc tablet at roughly the same time of day you took it on Day 1.

Day 3: Same deal -- take it again. If you really want to go all out for glowing and kind-of-tauter skin, also take a couple of drops (less than 1/8th of a teaspoon) of Colloidal Silver, not what Cat said I used -- I like Silver 50 by Allergy Research Group). I did this before the xoJane launch party, for example. Obviously you don't want to overdo it and turn out like that blue guy -- unless, of course, you do. You can dab the silver on pimples and it will make them go away really quickly too.

Day 4: Reduce to half a tablet at this point. Too much zinc, in my experience, can make your face red and make you feel a little hot and uncomfortable.

Day 5: GLOW Like Nobody's Business. Have your (my) friends ask if you've had work done. Have people tell you your glasses look really good and that you must have changed them, though you didn't. Take some iron and some vitamin C, because you may become iron-deficient from the zinc.

Don't You Doubt Me

Just in case you think it is just the smiling in the top before-and-after photos that makes the difference, here are two other pics of my skin glowing and NOT glowing, nothing to do with smiling:

image

Smiling but not glowing.

image

Just woke up so definitely not smiling, and with dirty hair, but six days since starting the zinc regimen.

image

Glowing and smiling at xoJane launch.

Check with a doc and all that.

Let me know if this works for you or not, or whatever skin-glowing tricks you have -- especially quicker-acting ones, in case I get last-minute requests to go on TV or meet the Queen or whatever. The wait time with this one is a bit of a hassle.