12 Stories I Couldn't Get Anyone To Write About, Including Horrifyingly Lethal Diet Pills AND Safer Tampons for All!

PLUS Amy Schumer's rape jokes, Ben Affleck's slave-owning ancestors and an iPhone app that tracks sperm count. By the way: Want to write for us?
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Jane
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PLUS Amy Schumer's rape jokes, Ben Affleck's slave-owning ancestors and an iPhone app that tracks sperm count. By the way: Want to write for us?
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 An early draft of this week's link round up started like this:

"this week has not been the best week for women's rights..."

Eventually, I decided to scrap that line because, let's be real, there hasn't been a week without one discouraging headline about women (as with the many, many groups of people that deal with oppression every day).

With that in mind, I present to you these 11 stories and am not the least bit rage-y at my writers for not taking on one or all of them. Constantly examining just how crappy the world can be is exhausting.

Health blogger Belle Gibson admits to making up her brain cancer diagnosis. [Mashable]

Former Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi has been sentenced to 20 years in prison. [HuffPo]

Student Eloise Parry has died after being 'burned up from the inside' by fatal diet pills. [Daily Mail]

Amy Schumer takes a shot at rape culture to thunderous critical praise. [The Daily Beast]

Ben Affleck explains why he forbade PBS show Finding Your Roots from revealing his his slave owning ancestors.[Celebitchy]

Orange is the New Black is getting a character based on Martha Stewart. [Time]

Instagram deletes woman's account after she posts stretch mark photos. [Buzzfeed]

Michael Brown's family is filing a wrongful death suit. [CNN]

The screenwriter for 50 Shades Darker has been announced: E.L. James' husband. [Jezebel]

No one is downloading Tidal, Jay Z's music streaming service. [Gawker]

Rep. Carolyn Maloney introduces legislation to make "feminine products" safer for women. [Jezebel]

A new app for men tracks sperm count (and asks how often they masturbate). [Buzzfeed]

If you're not exhausted by the decline of human civilization, consider writing for us (link)! We'd love to have you on our team and, with your super, witty, brilliant writing, maybe these round ups might get a little shorter.

P.S. But if they don't, it's no big deal because I love my xoJaners, now and forever.

PPS A brilliant commenter last week suggested a real-time sidebar requesting newsy submissions that could run on the site. I love the idea. Now which of you is going to build it for us?