So now that the heaviness surrounding my last phone posts is in the seemingly distant past of last week, I am moving on to the upbeat stuff. Like giving you that sweet pink Clarisonic I promised. (I was given three Clarisonics as thank-you gifts within a span of a few weeks and then the woman giving me a facial -- the outrageously amazing Mila Moursi -- said the Clarisonic was probably too harsh for my skin, which is why I was breaking out, so I am not even using the one that I did open, though I love it IN THEORY. But I won't give you this one, as it has my old skin in it. I will give you the new unopened PINK one!)
So, thanks to you all for the entertaining and genius “next miracle beauty product ideas” you posted in response to my search for the next "boob glue", including:
From C.P Woodhouse: A Tampon Multi-Tool, for when you need a screwdriver, bottle opener, or nail file and all you have is a tampon.
From Chaka: A product that de-clumps your eyelashes.
From Your Mom’s Bra: An intra-uterine device that turns menstrual blood into champagne.
From melodieyoung: Leg Lube! To help get you into super skinny jeans.
From babyshoemagee: Febreze for balls!
From mom: Time of the month club with a subscription that sends Kit Kats, Prosecco, and nail polish to your partner to give you when you have your period.
From AnathemaD: A voice modulator that makes even your yelling voice into a compliant breathy whisper so you get more promotions and raises.
And so many other brilliant "miracle product" ideas.
You guys made it even harder by upvoting like crazy two commenters who didn't even have a suggestion but have had rough years and even emailing me telling me to give the thing to the poor girls. But I knew Corynne would kill me if I changed the rules at that point, sooooo the winner is:
musictheoryjoey who came up with three ideas for products that you guys seem to really want two of and one that I can't believe doesn't exist yet -- hair dye sleeves that go over your straightening or curling irons like a Swiffer pad and temporarily color your hair.
The tube of boob glue sitting on my desk goes to Daniella Sloane Alberts for being the first of you to say "BOOB GLUE OVER HERE PLEASE!!!" You can both email Lori at email@example.com and give her your addresses and she'll send them out as efficiently as only Lori can.
Now speaking of presents: I forgot my good friend's birthday on the 15th of last month and didn't even realize I'd forgotten it until weeks later. It is one thing for me to not be tied to dates and times and another to forget dates and times that are important to other people. Man! I was even writing to her about meaningless shit on her birthday without knowing it was her birthday and, agh, any ideas for what to say and get her that will make up for my screw-up more than welcome. If you have given any great presents lately that might spark ideas, I'd be really grateful and will praise you for remembering the events in YOUR friends' and families' lives.
Big xo, face scrubbers and miracle girls!