Diagnose me, please (Plus: which movie star had the dried booger? A quiz.)

Nov 21, 2012 at 10:35am | Leave a comment

I have a strange new malady and I trust you more than whatever source
I'm googling:

My tongue hurts. Also my throat but mostly my tongue. Anything acidic
kills. Like tomatoes, my favorite food, the food I hallucinated about
when I had toxic shock syndrome and couldn't eat (just adding in a
little drama as this is a pretty thin post and I'm trying to make it
worthwhile for you) -- when I ate some tomatoes last night it felt
kind of like pouring scalding water on my tongue and onto the insides
of my cheeks.

I feel fine otherwise. I haven't been taking any medicine or weird
supplements or anything I can think of.

So what is going on and can I correct it in time to eat everything I
want to this eating-filled weekend? Has this ever happened to you?

Also, I love you and want to know what you are doing for Thanksgiving
tomorrow, if anything. I'm driving to my mom's in Maryland with kid
and dog and trying to decide whether to leave tonight or tomorrow
morning. I don't mind traffic and trips that take time, but I do have
to pee really frequently (as you TMI know) and don't want to wear one
of those diapers that that astronaut wore for that long drive whenever
that was -- is anyone with me here? When I was a kid, we would keep a
jar in the car specifically for me but I have never done that while
driving and don't love the idea as an adult.

Oh yeah, and when I was on that whitewater rafting trip with all those
famous people (the one Vanity Fair wrote about), I just hung myself
over the side every half hour or so so that I didn't slow down the
whole trip with my near-constant peeing. Everyone understood and at
least I wasn't the major movie star who had a dried
booger under his nose for a whole day and no one would tell him -- we
didn't have mirrors out there in the Grand Canyon and no one wanted to
be the one to say it.

Ok, help me with my tongue here and I will help you with whatever.

Posted in Jane's Phone