IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Saw My Husband in a Porno

Never did I think my “buttoned up” husband could be such a free spirit!
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Never did I think my “buttoned up” husband could be such a free spirit!

My hubby has many gifts. He’s a great father, a good provider, and always ready to offer a foot rub or a back massage. 

He’s the perfect husband, especially where it counts - between the sheets. I was always a fan of his, ahem, meat twinkie (hey, it’s cream-filled!), but I had always thought that I was its only admirer. 

I was in for a rude awakening one day when I was browsing through the offerings of my favorite purveyor of explicit material and was greeted by an oddly familiar looking pair of extra hairy peaches. 

Intrigued, and more than a little titillated, I clicked on, and my suspicions were confirmed. I was staring at my lovely, butt-naked husband, albeit slightly younger. And that was definitely his scrotum, albeit slightly younger. And I was very, very intrigued.

I recognized my husband's scrotum, right away. 

I recognized my husband's scrotum, right away. 

I’m an open minded person, and this video of my husband made me excited. Who was this man before I knew him? 

Presently, my husband is a short-haired suit. He’s the stereotypical upper-class WASP. He likes golfing, expensive wines, and sailing. But in this video, I saw another side to my husband. In this video, he was a porn-making, pot-smoking, long haired, wild child. I began fantasizing about what he may have been like back in his college days. I found myself desperately wishing I knew him back then. 

Would we have gotten along? Would we have just been friends, or more? I couldn’t wait until he got home from work so I could jump his hippie-dippie free-lovin bones. Never was the suspicion ever raised in my mind that this video may have been posted without his consent.

I decided to play a little joke on him. Surprise him. After we had tucked the little one into bed, my husband and I retreated into our bedroom and I started teasing him. We got a little hot and heavy, and right before things got serious, I stopped him. I told him breathily that I wanted to show him something.

At that point, he was down for anything.

“Whatever you want, babe.”

I got out my laptop, perplexing him, selected the tab, and pressed play. After a moment, I looked over at my husband’s face. It had gone sheet white. He wasn’t smiling, he wasn’t laughing. He wasn’t even a little amused. The sexy mood was dead.

“We have to get this down. This isn’t funny.”

It was then I realized that my joke may have been in poor taste.

“I’m calling Olena*,” my husband said.

Olena was my husband’s ex-girlfriend from college, and his co-star in the video.

Interestingly, my husband’s name was absent from the title and description of the video, while Olena’s first and last name were both proudly displayed. Even more interestingly, or should I say tragically, Olena was not aware of the video’s presence on the internet. She didn’t believe my husband until he sent her the link.

Olena was a victim of revenge porn. Her ex-boyfriend, Terrence*, must have somehow found the video on her hard drive, and kept it for a rainy day. He was an awful boyfriend, abusive and cruel, and Olena was forced to get a restraining order from him a few months back. My husband was just the collateral damage in Olena and her ex-boyfriend’s ongoing war.

I remember meeting Olena’s ex. Somehow, after breaking up in college, she and my husband had managed to remain friends. One night, we had all gone out for dinner together, at a cute Italian place by the river. Terrence was a small, scrawny looking guy. Over the course of one dinner, he managed to hit the triple whammy of racist, sexist, and homophobic. I couldn’t be the only one in that restaurant that night wondering what the hell she was doing with him.

At one point in the night, and this is not a joke, Terrence said to our attractive female waiter, “Keep up the good work sweetheart, and there’ll be a big tip in it for you... At least ten inches.” He then proceeded to laugh for a solid five minutes at his own chauvinistic comment, while we all covered our faces in mutual embarrassment. 

After the dinner Olena felt the need to apologize to us and the waitress on behalf of her boyfriend. “I’m so sorry,” she said, “he usually isn’t like this.” We tried our best to believe her.

Despite the position that revenge porn is a form of harassment and should be criminalized, revenge porn remains a legal gray area in most of America. In most states, revenge porn is not a crime.

If you are a victim of revenge porn DO NOT blame yourself! Too often the victims of sex crimes (and make no mistake, revenge porn IS a sex crime!) end up blaming themselves for the misdeeds of others. It has been beaten into our minds by the patriarchal society that we live in, that the invasion of our privacy and the invasion of our bodies is somehow our fault.

A while back a news story caught my eye about a Danish activist named Emma Holton. It discussed how Emma, at the age of 17, found out that private nude photos of herself had been shared online by her ex-boyfriend. She fought back against her attacker by starting a project entitled “CONSENT Project.” It consisted of nude photos she herself authorized the release of. This was her way of taking back control of her own body.

My husband attempted to help his ex out the best he could. He even went as far as to help put her in contact with a top lawyer to help her through this ordeal, but sadly, Olena was unable to receive the justice she so sorely deserved. Despite filing a police report for invasion of privacy, the courts were unable to find evidence implicating Terrence.

Currently, Olena is in the process of filing takedown notices on all the copies of the video she and my husband have found online on various websites. As it stands, many of the videos remain plastered online. It may be impossible for all traces to be gone from the internet. 

As a highschool teacher, Olena now lives in fear every day of someone discovering this private video. All it would take is a simple Google search and her life could come crashing down around her.

Me and my husband have grown closer to Olena over the course of this ordeal. She is frequently over for dinners and during these dinners I have come to realize how much I truly enjoy her company. Many times, Olena and I find ourselves swept up in conversation, leaving my husband in the dust, desperately trying to follow along. It seems like we are on a different wavelength completely. 

At one of our get togethers, Olena drunkenly confessed to me that, in a way, she was thankful that she had been put through this whole ordeal, because without it, she might have never met one of her closest friends. 

My husband is both taken aback and amused (and maybe even a little jealous!) by how well his ex-squeeze and his current squeeze are getting along. We frequently joke that maybe a sequel (or should I say threequel) to the film is in our future!

I feel foolish for the initials thoughts I had when I saw the video, I look at my husband, and I am so glad he is the way he is. Sure, he isn’t the crazy hippy he used to be, but he is something better. He is dependable and reliable, and would never post revenge porn no matter how many tasteless jokes I make. I love him very much and I am so thankful for having him (and Olena) in my life.

*names have been changed to protect the innocent